Jude and his faithful & loving daddy

"FREE FALLING"

"Don't do that when daddy is not around, or you will fall down." That's what I just heard my husband say to our son as he fearlessly plunged into his daddy’s open arms.  He was standing at the end of the couch, using his arms for stability since his little legs cannot support his body yet.  Jason having just got home from work made his way over to the oversized white chair next to where Jude stood.  When Jason and Jude made eye contact, I watched as they both lit up.  Jude even let out a little giggle of joy.  Then Jason opened both arms and had just enough distance between himself and Jude that our 9 month baby would have to remove his stability to fall into his father’s embrace.  I looked at Jude and said, "Go to daddy, you can trust him, he will catch you."  And Jude, never taking his eyes off of his daddy released his hands and fell forward with complete child-like trust.  

What a beautiful picture of "child-like” faith!  If only we could all decide without hesitation to plunge into our Fathers open arms.  What if we didn't hesitate or become paralyzed with fear?  Can you imagine the confidence that would come with KNOWING we would be embraced by God?  What if we could just let go of our hold on temporary stability and accept the security our Father so desires us to have.  Fear is the opposite of trust!  If we were to keep our eyes on the Lord, and not focus so much on our circumstance, I believe we would be able to fall uninhibitedly into the peace of God's perfect will for our lives.  

Today my devotional quoted this scripture "For just as the heaves are higher than earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." - Isaiah 55:9. What a beautiful reminder that we don't have to depend on our own understanding or our own grasp of what we believe is "safe."  We can completely rest in the promise that God will always think abundantly more for us, and His ways will always be far greater than our own.  

While Jude was holding on for dear life to the couch, I bet he was thinking that he was invincible.  He had a look of determination on his face, even as his unstable legs teetered.  He was looking at me square in the eye, almost as though he was proud of his accomplishment.  The reality of the matter is despite the effort, it was just a matter of time before my sweet little boy's grasp weakened and caused him to fall to the ground.  The couch could not guarantee him stability because there was no back to support his under-developed legs.  

"Then your salvation will come like the dawn, and your wounds will quickly heal. Your godliness will lead you forward, and the glory of the LORD will protect you from behind"- Isaiah 58:8

Do we cling to our unstable circumstances?  Do we exude pride in our own strength to hold ourselves up?  I personally struggle with blind faith!  I have a need to know, and when there is uncertainty I stand with my hands tightly gripped on to my circumstances, wavering in mediocrity.  This is not God’s best for me, or you.  

When Jason found his way over to his son he just simply opened his arms, and without hesitation Jude leaned in, almost in slow motion.  He undoubtedly knew that his daddy was going to scoop him up into a firm and secure embrace.  As a mother, it was a beautiful sight.  There is nothing greater than to watch your child fall in love with you and your spouse.  The first time they call out for "Mama" or "Dah"… How it takes our breath away.  Don't you believe that Jesus loves us FAR greater than we could ever love our own children?  Do you believe that it brings him joy to hear us call out his name?  It wasn't until having a son that I was able to truly grasp God’s love for me.  I treasure the moments my baby "needs" me.  So, I can only imagine that our Heavenly Father cherishes those moments we depend on him with complete confidence that his love is enough to provide a life more abundant than we could ever fathom.  

I am reminded of this song; “Oh Lord, You’re beautiful.  Your face is all I see.  And when your eyes are on this child, your grace abounds to me.” 

My  son’s  faith in his father has inspired me to see only God’s face in the midst of my wavering circumstances.  To rest in the peace of his promises to me that when his eyes meet mine, I can lean into his embrace.  

I challenge you to take the plunge into your Father’s arms today.  No matter what your situation might be, release your grasp on your unstable reality and trust that if you fix your eyes on the Lord, He will support you and bring you to a place of safety.

He led me to a place of safety; He rescued me because he delights in me. Psalm 18:19

DO YOU HAVE TIME TO SEE COLOR?

Have you ever painted a picture? Well, even if you haven't you could probably imagine the process that one might go thru to create a piece of art. The long strokes vertically to cover the mass of the canvas followed by small strokes to add detail. The physical labour that would be required as your arms thrash vigorously to express the vision you have only shadows the emotion you have invested into this interpretation you call art. The emotion one would put into a piece of art would be a great personal feat as it would require you to pull from your soul the views and feelings you have locked inside. It would have you plow up any creative or innovative perceptions to flow with ease into your piece. I believe that self evaluation is often necessary in expressing ones self thru art, which would require allowing yourself to be purged of anything that would disrupt the beauty of this masterpiece in the making. It would also mean allowing light to fall on pain that could be expressed thru your vulnerability. In addition to the physical labour and the emotional investment, I could only imagine there would be a great time sacrifice as a true artist would never rest until he felt at ease with his muse. I would bet that an artist steps away from his piece only to come back and find an imperfection that requires changes and modifications to capture the original thought. Think of the time it would consume to create this piece of art that is an expression of your soul.

Do you have the time for the final outcome?

 This revelation came to me by talking to one of my best friend about hair. Yes, hair can actually bring forth deep thoughts. I was sharing with her how in my business it is common for people to have their hair colored and when the final product is revealed, walk away un-happy. It's my job to make sure that a client loves the way they look and feel when they leave my chair. So, if someone leaves feeling disappointed, but doesn't let me know they are un-happy, I am unaware therefore unable to change it. As I was expressing to my friend how frustrating it is that someone would rather leave un-happy, than spend the time allowing me to go back and add or take away whatever necessary for them to love their hair, she said "Do you think that is how God feels about us?" This thought was seriously profound and stopped me dead in my tracks. I started to think about my craft. It is an art to me! When beginning a color service, I have a vision but sometimes as the artist, I step away when I am finished and I realize that the end result does not capture the beauty that was in my original thought. It's rare that someone has the time to sit in my chair for another couple of hours for me to go back and perfect it so that it is a true expression of my vision. And so I let them know if they are at all un-happy, to please come back and let me make a few changes. Most people have little grace for this. They automatically de-validate me as a hair stylist, or an artist. They assume if I don't get it right the first time, then I must not know what I am doing. And they quickly replace me with another hair stylist. This saddens me because they miss the whole point of my craft. I am an artist. If I got it right the first time, every time... would I still be able to call myself one? If only they would come back to me and allow me to elaborate or make a changes to the "painting" they might find that their hair becomes a true masterpiece. It's such a shame that instead of honesty and opportunity to create true art, I am brushed aside for the next stylist, who in fact will eventually fail to impart perfection. Isn't it the PURSUIT for perfection that I should be trying to obtain? Do you think that Di Vinci mastered the Mona lisa on the 1st time? How about Beethoven, do you think he wrote the symphony no 9 in an hour? Absolutely not, because the heart of an artist is the ability to create, and creation is the process of seeing an original thought transform into a work of art. This takes time and willingness to go back to the drawing board to accomplish something the artist can be proud of. It's the pursuit of perfection, not solely perfection, that separates the good from the magnificent.

VINCENT VAN GOGH said "Keep going, keep going come what may. But what is your final goal, you may ask. That goal will become clearer, will emerge slowly but surely, much as the draft turns into the sketch and the sketch into the painting through the serious work done on it, through the elaboration of the original vague idea and through the consolidation of the first fleeting and passing thought."

If I could have it my way, I would take one client a day. So I could take a thought and elaborate on it until it became more than my mind could contain. Because to me, that is art. It is when you allow yourself the freedom to expand, express, create, elaborate, change, erase and start again, add or take away. It is when you allow your thought to transform and come to fruition in a way that even our own minds couldn't have foreseen. If God is the artist of life, the author and creator of the universe.... then more than any Picasso, van Gogh or Krause, wouldn't he deserve the freedom to take his time laboring on the masterpiece he calls our life? "Do you think God feels this way about us"? That's the thought that started in my head. And with time, heart, emotion and many times reaching with my right ring finger to press delete... I was able to take this thought into a true expression of what was inside me. Do we truly trust God to complete the work he has started in us?

 And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. Philippians 1:6

Do we have the time to let him use our lives as a canvas to showcase that he is the artist of all time? Would we be willing to let him make our lives into an art piece that would reveal his glory? Or are we going to leave him unhappy the 1st time we don't like the results? Are we going to jump to another God or Idol that might fulfill our needs on the 1st try? When will we realize that God is the pursuer of our hearts and begin to wait on his timing to complete the work he started?

After the gift of this revelation, I for one have decided that I would be honored to give Jesus the time to complete the work in me. I will stop running every time that I don't understand, or I don't like the outcome of a situation. I will trust in his timing, and that the outcome he has planned is far greater than I could receive from another source. I will give him the room for imagination and elaboration along the way. When something goes astray, I will choose to smile with gratitude that he is making art our of my mess.

I will see color when I don't understand. I will see color when I face change. I will see color when he expands his thoughts and plans for my life. I will see color as he paints the story for my life.

 Do you have time to see Color?

"ONE MOMENT AT A TIME"...

To be inspired doesn't requires a lot for me. A thought, song or simply a beautiful scenery can prompt a series of revelations. I believe that God speaks to us thru these things, and most of the time we are so caught up in our busy lives, we miss it. As I sit here in Colorado, looking at the beautiful creation Jesus made just for us to admire, I am inspired.

What does it mean to be "relaxed"? This is something I really struggle with!!! I am always thinking 2 thoughts ahead. To be relaxed would mean being present in the moment offered to me. It would mean stoping to admire what God intended to be a form of romance for me. The beautiful weather, the mountains, the peaceful sound of the river that is passing thru the patches of frozen ice. It's taking a deep breath in and listening to what Jesus is saying to me thru the solitude. I long to be still long enough to hear his voice. "One moment at a time" that is what Jason says. In this moment I am surrounded by family, warmth, laughter, the restlessness of our sweet babies, a classic movie in the background... love. I think what I could find in this moment is the feeling of contentment. Knowing I am loved, and that I am blessed. I believe Jesus is here in this room with us and I am grateful to him for the opportunity to share this peace with the people who I love the most.

I need to blog more. I am going to make the effort, at least while i'm in the mountains. Today, I am inspired to write, to create, to think, to relax... but most of all, to listen and look for the sweet things Jesus has in store for me.

The Dance,,,

Someone once described labor and delivery as "A Dance between Mother and Baby". This was such a beautiful description to me, and it gave me a sense of peace. After all, I know how to dance so I knew I could do this.

Jeremiah 31...
Hope For Restoration
Long ago the Lord said to Israel:
“I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love.
With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.
4 I will rebuild you, my virgin Israel.
I will not forget the blind and lame,
the expectant mothers and women in labor.
A great company will return!
9 Tears of joy will stream down their faces,
and I will lead them home with great care.
They will walk beside quiet streams
and on smooth paths where they will not stumble.
12 They will come home and sing songs of joy on the heights of Jerusalem.
They will be radiant because of the Lord’s good gifts—
the abundant crops of grain, new wine, and olive oil,
and the healthy flocks and herds.
Their life will be like a watered garden,
and all their sorrows will be gone.
13 The young women will dance for joy,
and the men—old and young—will join in the celebration.
I will turn their mourning into joy.
I will comfort them and exchange their sorrow for rejoicing.
14 The priests will enjoy abundance,
and my people will feast on my good gifts.
I, the Lord, have spoken!”

As I read thru this verse, I was in awe. The Lord brought life into this verse a year ago this month when my mother in law was sentenced to 10 years in prison. She and I both were given this verse, which in and of itself was a miracle. One that is still unfolding before our eyes. For over a year now she has been faithfully pursing the Lord. She is amazing, and I can't express to you how it saddens me to be approaching this monumental moment in our life, with her worlds away. As sad as this makes me, I can take joy in the fact that I have seen her be transformed from the inside out. We have witnessed what we thought was impossible. Because, with God... ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE! With all the adversity she has faced, and that her past brought into our lives to face with her... she has become the mother, friends and woman that God ALWAYS intended. Angela- I know you will read this, I want you to know that as I am laboring for the life of my child. You have labored for 18 months now, for new life. And God has brought forth the radiant glow in you that you so earnestly searched for. I am so proud of who you are, and the mother you have become to your two sons, and to me. And for the investment you have made into my little boy, and you haven't even gotten to feel him move. Yet, you have been here, in my heart the whole journey. I love you so much and I can't wait to share life with you. You are worthy, you are valuable, you are acceptable. And NEW LIFE has been birthed in you. It's time for you to Dance.

You see, I believe that God will speak to us, everywhere we look if we allow him. Tonight for instance, he is bringing to mind thru my labor, the dreams and visions he has for his people. He promises joy in the morning. He promises hope for our future. HE promises comfort and rest for the broken and weary. And all he ask from us is to bring forth our PRAISE. In our praise, he will give us rest. My son's name means Praise. We chose that name, because it fits divinely with the testimony of his existence. We were told we weren't likely to have children. BUT GOD. God is good, and faithful and every time I look at my little boy, I will remember to PRAISE. Tonight, I am made aware of his unconditional love for me once again. There has been many times thru the past 9 months I have been so confused as to where God was in my life! I had so many struggles, just as I will endure thru this process of labor. But the end result is LIFE & JOY! I believe that everything he has allowed me to walk thru has been for such a time as this. To prepare me to believe in myself and in his strength and mercy for me. To rest in him when it seems impossible. I have control issues, this has been made very apparent to me this past season. And from day 1 of this pregnancy, I have known God wanted to do something great in me thru the process of giving birth. The revelation that is flowing forth from this time with him tonight is this; pain is short lived. He allows us to endure pain and struggle to teach us courage and to test our faith. He allows us to walk thru the fire, but protects us from being burned. He is FOR US! In everything, he wants us to praise him, because he is worthy. And his plan is for peace and hope in our hearts, minds, body and souls. The closer that the labor pains get together, the more intense they get. I believe this is a reflection of the growth and stretching he desires for his people. Not for pain, but for perseverance, for faith, for dependency on him. The closer we get to that LIFE we are in trusted with, be in a baby, or a calling... the labor intensifies. The struggles multiply. But the rest is still readily available. It's offered freely, and up to us to call upon.

Tonight, I call upon you father. I lay here in total dependency on you. I cry at your holiness, and bow to your worthiness. You are so sovereign, and I trust you with this birth. God, your plans are for peace and joy for me and Jude tonight. I stand in that, and I claim over us right now the redemption you have offered to me on Calvary. God you said that you have come to bring us life and life more abundant. You didn't say it would be easy, but you said you would never leave us. So tonight I ask that you would remove all fear and anxiety. That you would flood your peace and understanding over me right now! Jesus give me a supernatural rest in you. Cover me and Jude with your promises and the blood you shed to protect me. God I will remember to call upon you in the midst of the valleys and praise you for the moments of pain, because I might not have had the chance to experience it at all without your healing in my body. Jesus, I lay down all my fears and anxiety at your feet. I will trust you to be near to me in the hours of need. I will not feel alone, I will draw my strength and courage from you first before anyone. Help me keep my eyes on you. And when I am weak or weary, bring your throne room to me Father, so that I may touch the hem of your robe. Hem me in on every side, go before me and stand behind me Jesus. You are good Lord, I give you praise. I give you praise tonight God. You are so worthy, you are so holy and I love you for your goodness, I love you for your promises, I love you because you are my daddy, my friend, my comforter, and more than all, the one that I can call on that will never leave or forsake me. In your precious name! Amen.

The best part of me

I'm in awe of you and we haven't even met.
You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen
and that's a funny thing, because I haven't seen you yet.
Your laugh is my anthem, the reason for my breath
And you don't even have lungs or a voice to laugh with.

How amazing is it that I'm in love with you, and your heart barely beats
How spectacular that you have all 10 toes, yet you haven't grown your feet
How stunning is your smile, and your lips are just a spec
How incredible is it that your the best part of me, and I haven't met you yet

Everybody said "you'll understand some day,
This feeling of love will overwhelm you!"
They said "just wait, it's like nothing you've ever felt"
and its true, the thought of you makes my heart melt!
They also said "You will have a baby that will be just like you"
And they laughed at the thought...
But Im not afraid of that, because the love that I feel is so big inside
That I can handle a crazy ride!

How amazing is it that I'm in love with you, and your heart barely beats
How spectacular that you have all 10 toes, yet you haven't grown your feet
How stunning is your smile, and your lips are just a spec
How incredible is it that your the best part of me, and I haven't met you yet

Baby I know that you can't understand today,
What your mommy feels inside
But I know that you can feel, and that you know you are safe
And that feeling will never go away!
Baby, I know that you cant hear me yet
But that won't stop me from telling you how much i love you
I will tell you every single day until the day I die
I hope thats forever away, so I can share with you a lifetime!

You make me want to be better, stand taller, live harder
You make me want to reach further, act wiser, love deeper
You make me want to sing louder, write longer, forgive easier
You make me want to dream bigger, my baby....

How amazing is it that I'm in love with you, and your heart barely beats
How spectacular that you have all 10 toes, yet you haven't grown your feet
How stunning is your smile, and your lips are just a spec
How incredible is it that your the best part of me, and I haven't met you yet

"The ARRANGEMENT"

~Now the Lord had arranged for a great fish to swallow Jonah. And Jonah was inside the fish for three days and three nights.~ Jonah 1:17

The other night I was about to turn on the TV and the Holy Spirit whispered to me that I needed to read the book of Jonah. I quickly put down the remote and picked up my bible. I read the entire book quickly, the revelation came just as quickly.
The Lord said "YOU AND JASON ARE JONAHS WHALE"!!! When Jonah was disobedient and turned his back on the call to go to the people of Nineveh and spread the word that God has seen the wicked ways of the people, God sent a raging storm his way. In the midst of that storm God "arranged" for a whale to swallow him up. While he was in the belly of this fish, The Lord spoke clearly to Jonah, and Jonah was able to hear God and remember his love for Christ. He was inspired to fulfill the call on his life. After God had his undivided attention for 3 days, with no distractions, he was spit out and Jonah went straight to the city of Nineveh to fulfill his mission.

This really amazes me. God ARRANGED this storm, he arranged the whale to be in the right place in all of the sea to swallow Jonah up, and he arranged for a divine encounter to speak tenderly to him, to remind him of his purpose. God did not use the whale as a source of punishment for Jonah. He used the whale as a holding device. It was a source of hope, intervention, protection and a place of clarity. It was a divine intervention. Much like the one Jason and I are in the midst of right now.

God rescued our little Jonah from a raging storm, he used Jason and I to be the safe place to surround and protect Jonah while he meets with him to bring good news. Hope, restoration, redemption, understanding and clarity. Jonah in the bible was angry at God, that is why he turned from him to begin with. Our Jonah has been angry at God because he has not understood why a "graceful" God would leave him in a hopeless situation. So, because of the plan and purpose God has for our Jonah's life, for Angela (Jason's mothers) life, he intervened. He had us (the whale) swallow him up, to give God a chance to speak to him. To remind him of his goodness and faithfulness. And although it looks like it will be about 365 days (not 3) I BELIEVE when he brings him back to dry land, Jonah will understand his purpose and he will be willing to walk with God on whatever road he takes him down. I believe that his salvation has come thru the storm that has had him trapped in a place of refuge with his Father.

Jonah 2:5-9
5 “I sank beneath the waves,
and the waters closed over me.
Seaweed wrapped itself around my head.
6 I sank down to the very roots of the mountains.
I was imprisoned in the earth,
whose gates lock shut forever.
But you, O Lord my God,
snatched me from the jaws of death!
7 As my life was slipping away,
I remembered the Lord.
And my earnest prayer went out to you
in your holy Temple.
8 Those who worship false gods
turn their backs on all God’s mercies.
9 But I will offer sacrifices to you with songs of praise,
and I will fulfill all my vows.
For my salvation comes from the Lord alone.”



I am in AWE of my Father. I believe because of our obedience, we avoid the storm. Ninevehs decision to repent of their wicked ways and bow to the Father of the universe after receiving the message from Jonah, resulted in God having mercy on them and let them live a full life. I think that because we are being obedient to share the word with Jonah and we are invested in his broken heart during this time, God is going to reward; Angela, Jonah, Jason and I with grace and fullness of life!

Jonah 3:10 When God saw what they had done and how they had put a stop to their evil ways, he changed his mind and did not carry out the destruction he had threatened
Jonah 4:1 I knew that you are a merciful and compassionate God, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. You are eager to turn back from destroying people.


We have a message to bring. We have a call to fulfill. We have a mantle to wear. We have a little 12 year old boy to protect and show the mercy and grace of the one who calls us REDEEMED!

I praise him today for the "ARRANGEMENT" he has made. I gladly accept the call.

"I was called to be free" ~ Galatians 5:13

"I will NOT forget"

"He reached down from heaven and rescued me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemies, from those who hated me and those who were to strong for me. They attacked me at a moment when i was in distress, but the Lord supported me. He led me to a place of safety; he rescued me because he delights in me" 2 Samuel 22:17-20

This is my story. It was the Saturday before Easter 2006, I was in the pit of my own hell. It was in fact on the same day 2000 plus years earlier that my God went to the fires of hell to fight the enemy for the keys to death. And very much like my King, I battled my enemy on that Saturday afternoon. I was a broken mess, in utter turmoil and headed for destruction. I was headed for death. A part of me did die that day, but it wasn't the death the enemy had planned for me. I began to lay myself at the feet of Jesus in desperation for grace and mercy. And as I surrendered my whole heart to him, his grace flooded my heart, soul, mind and body. I began to release chains that had me bound for years, and it was just the beginning. That was a long night, as I was still conflicted between my flesh and this new spirit taking over me. I battled the lies from the enemy that I was not worthy of God's love, of any one's love. I woke up the next morning to a yearning in my spirit for more of what I had the day before. I got ready to go to church with my family and in a state of numbness, I knew that that pew is the only place on earth I desired to be at that moment. It was about half way thru worship, everyone was seated, enjoying the beautiful sounds coming from the choir and orchestra. All I heard was "stand up, stand up, stand up". I couldn't fight my flesh anymore, the new spirit that I had a glimpse of the day before, jolted into my very being. I jumped to my feet, both hands stretched to the sky, and then it happened. "HE REACHED DOWN FROM HEAVEN AND RESCUED ME, HE BROUGHT ME TO A PLACE OF SAFETY, HE RESCUED ME BECAUSE HE DELIGHTS IN ME" It has been 4 years today since I encountered the Love of Christ on a intimate level.

My walk with Father began on April 18, 2006. Location; my heart, building: Bethesda Community Church, witnesses: family, friends, pastors and God of the Universe who calls me by name.
""Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior." Isaiah 43:1-4

Every Easter, I REMEMBER what HE did for me!!!! Literally, what he did for ME on that day. It's not just Easter to me anymore, the day when I celebrate that my King is alive. Although that is a joyous occasion worthy of much celebration. But it is the day I celebrate that my King is ALIVE in ME!!!! He loved me enough to give me new life, on the same weekend 2000 years after he DIED to give us all new life. What an amazing testimony to his love for me. I will NEVER forget what Easter really means. It is more than just a holiday with pretty dresses and colorful candy. It is the moment in all of my life when the very meaning of the blood shed on that cross, came alive in me. He died to give us abundant grace, to give us a life that is without stains. He endured the cross despite the shame he faced to release me from chains of sin and darkness. (Hebrews 12:1-4 Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up. After all, you have not yet given your lives in your struggle against sin." ) HE DID THIS BECAUSE OF THE JOY AWAITING HIM... He CHOSE to die, he knew what was on the other side of the cross. And I have shared this JOY with him every since Christ raised me from death with him.

I will NOT forget.

"He called me to be free" ~ Galatians 5:13