LIVE FREE

Jason and I have made a choice to pursue FREEDOM with a vengeance. We are relentless in our pursuit after Fathers abundant life for us. We believe that we have a personal choice to be or to not be, free. We also know that are flesh is always going to push us to be in chains of un-forgiveness, bitterness, idolatry, entitlement... sin. When our flesh meets our spirit, we make a choice. Will we accept the plee from the enemy to hold out our wrist to be placed in chains? Or will we look the enemy square in the face, unsheathe our swords and wage war on him to bring home the victory to our Father? That is the choice. So many times in our lives, we let our flesh win because we are so worn down and weary that we don't have it in us to fight to be free from the enemy's attempts of temporary fulfilment. I have been brought to a place where I can actually feel the collision of my spirit and my flesh meet. And when this happens, it actually is a normal reaction to act in the flesh. Knowing that is my human nature, when I face moments where these two meet, I just take a moment to step back and "pass it to the spirit". When we face moments when we let our flesh win, we must get back up again and trust God will use it for the good. "We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken, we are perplexed but we do not give up and quit, We are hunted down, but God never abandons us, we get knocked down but we get up again and keep going"~ 2 Corinthians 4:8-10 This being said, the reason why i love this picture is because Jason and I are doing life together, and we are keeping each other in chains of grace by fighting for both our freedom and the freedom of each other. We only get to do life once, we have to make the choice to LIVE FREE!!!!

~I was called to be free. ~ Galatians 5:13

~Diamonds & Swords~

I love this picture! It captures who I am from the inside out. I feel like it makes a statement. THIS IS THE GATE THAT I CALL MY "POST", I AM CALLED TO THIS GATE TO USHER PEOPLE INTO THE THRONE ROOM, I AM CALLED TO THE GATE TO BATTLE THE DARKNESS THAT RESIDES ON THE OTHER SIDE, I AM CALLED TO THE GATE TO MEET PEOPLE THAT HAVE COME BROKEN AND LOOKING FOR SOMETHING ON THE OTHER SIDE AND I HAVE BEEN CALLED A DAUGHTER OF THE KING OF KINGS! I feel like it shows that I am a "girly girl" but not to be mistaken with a fierce force for the Kingdom of God. I LOVE that I KNOW the power behind my weapon, and I am not afraid to use it to protect the children of God. I know that it seems dramatic to have take a picture of myself with a sword at a gate, but why would you expect anything less from me? I treasure the symbolism in this photo. The sword, the gate, the pearls, the rad headband that shows a bit of my funky side. I am so proud to be a princess warrior of the most high!

This just goes to show you to never under estimate the power of a woman of God. We might be all dolled up, but behind our diamond shoes and bird cage headbands is a strong, courageous, mighty woman of God.

~I was called to be free ~ Galatians 5:13

Clarence the Camel

A couple of weeks ago at church, my dad spoke on a particular subject that struck home with me. He brought our attention to a camel (That my dad has named "Clarence") that lives amongst a heard of buffalo, off 114 and trophy club dr. In his description of this odd sight, he brought light to the fact, that Clarence probably felt like the fat kid. Or, the skinny kid... whatever. That all of the buffalo are alike, and Clarence just hangs out with no friends, or none like him at least. This must suck for Clarence, day after day, to be the odd one out. To look different, act different, feel different, eat different... and on and on. I started thinking, I really feel like a camel in the middle of a heard of buffalo right now. I feel like I'm the sore thumb that just doesn't really fit. I feel, misplaced. I feel these things for many reasons. What is quite ironic is that the night before my dad spoke of Clarence, I had just had a minor revelation about how my clothes are really beginning to take on new meaning in my life. I was trying to express to Jason that I felt the same way in life as I do when I stand in my closet. Because of my weight loss (and I know, it's a "good problem to have") I have no clothes that fit. They are all to large, and if they do fit it is only from this least of reasons why; 1. they are from years ago before i gained weight, which would make the outdated, 2. They are my mothers hand me downs,or 3. They are my sisters hand me downs. Thus resulting in a closet full of clothes that don't don't actually express my personal style. So, i began to look into that a bit and what I realized was that, I don't really know what my personal style is. I think that for the past 7 years that I have been overweight, i just bought clothes that fit, i didn't care much if i liked them... it was just a bonus if i could find something that fit. And now that I can wear normal (none plus size) clothes, i have no idea where to shop or what to buy. I also don't have the resources to just throw all my clothes away and start over. This being the reason that I look like my mother 3 days a week, and my sister 2 days a week. And end up wearing sweats the other 2 days. Now, I think my mother and my sister are both super cute and they have great styles. My mom in her leopard and diamonds and my sister in her pink bows and polka dots. Me however, I would say my perfect outfit would be; jeans, vintage shirt, cardigan, scarf, hat and a random color of chucks with some self added bling to the toe of the shoe. Perhaps a strand of pearls or a belt that didn't match. This however is something that i can picture in my head, but if i went into my closet, would be unlikely to find. Thus resulting in looking like a total poser and not being true to myself. Let me bring this home, see... it's like in my life, i am trying on all of these different things; beliefs, spiritual gifts, friends, churches...etc. But nothing seems to be fitting just right. (with the exception of a few items: IE friends) It's like, it's all someone elses style, or it isn't fitting the way that i want it to. It's like I am trying to shove myself into a pair of jeans that I just can't fit into yet. I feel the same way when i reflect on the frustration of where this last year has brought me as I do when I am sitting under 17 outfits that I have pulled off the hanger and thrown on the floor in an attempt to just BE ME. Another good comparison is this, I worked my butt off to lose weight. I am proud of the 55 lbs weight loss, I am excited and passionate, but now that I can actually wear fun clothes that express myself, I have nothing that works. In the same way, I have worked HARD for the past 3 years to break free from sin and walk in FREEDOM! I have laid my junk at the cross to bring glory to God with my growth. And now that I am a whole and complete person on the inside, I find myself having to validate myself as good enough, strong enough, mature enough in my walk with God to be used in a bigger way. All of this to say, My clothes and my current circumstances, are really not doing anything to enhance my inside, or outside.
Now Clarence, he has no choice but to dress like himself. This is perhaps the reason why he stands out, people look at him when they drive by, not the 30 buffalo around him. I bet some days he wishes that he could dress in black and pack on a few lbs, what do you think? But maybe, just maybe Clarence is comfortable in his own skin. Maybe he likes being the eye candy as people drive by. I am sure he got a great laugh the other day when I drove by and in my determination to spot him, I drove my car into the median and busted my wheel all sorts of up. Surly he likes that he is a show stopper. I love this about Clarence, I choose to believe that he feels special. And as I write this, I feel like I am having my own revelation about my recent feelings of isolation. Maybe Dad's right, MAYBE God has a purpose for us standing out in the crowd. Maybe the heard of buffalo need a camel to bring something new, something different, something that is comfortable standing out! I like Clarence, I like clothes... I think all that is missing, is that I like myself enough to trust that I am in the right place, at the right time... even though I have no idea what the future looks like. I have to count my blessing, I could have a huge humps on my back, ay?

"I am called to be free" ~ Galatians 5:13

"BEE not afraid"

I have never been fond of bugs of any kind. However, if you have known me for any length of time, you are probably more than aware of my fear of bees. This is not your normal "oh crap, there is a bee". This is a fear that causes me to not be responsible for the things that might occur while around a bee. Perhaps I would lose my salvation in the presence of a bee, like say some words that I wouldn't recommend saying, or run in circles while waving my hands uncontrollably above my head, screaming "help me, help me". There was even one time on a beautiful afternoon I was driving with my windows down and one of those buggers flew in my car and decided to take a stroll on my skirt, I am not lying when I tell you that in a moment of panic, I just put the car in park in the middle of the road, got out of the car and begin to run circles around my car doing the flailing arms movement screaming to the car behind me "It's a bee, help!!! It's a bee" As I am sure you would have, they laughed at me, but did not see it necessary to help me. It's like I like my forehead speaks BEE and says "Come to me, all the bees in the land, I enjoy your threatening spirit, please come flock to me so that I can freak out inside". All of this to say, that I become paralyzed with fear in the presence of a bee!!!!!

I don't know what it is so much, maybe it's the unknown. I have never been stung by a bee. Maybe its the "hearsay" that bee stings hurt. Maybe it's the noise they make, like they make their presence known when they just circle you with there little buzzing noises. Maybe it's because they move so dang fast that you can hardly follow them with your eyes. I am not sure what it is about them, but any time I encounter a bee, i can assure you... i turn into a 5 year old on a bad dose of crack.

July of 08' God was so good to speak to me a bit about this fear of Bees. It was my fast day on my heart quest and it was way to early to be awake. I picked up my lawn chairs on the way out the door and grabbed a fleece blanket i had bought for the bus ride down. Obviously it was in the heat of the year so the blanket was just a whim, i thought maybe i would decide to lay down on the ground or something. (right, as if i would have partied with the ants) Anyway, as I was walking away from the house, headed to find the perfect spot to start my day, I began to think about the situation. I thought to myself; its hot, its early, there are bugs out here, Lord, why on earth would this be the way you want to spend the day with me? This is NOT my idea of a good time!!!" I found a spot next to a tree, at least i would be in the shade. About 3 seconds after getting settled and sitting down, I heard the buzz. That's right, it was my very own pack of bees. swarming me with a vengeance. I quickly began to ball my head of while grabbing the fleece blanket and wrapping myself from head to toe. Even my face was hidden under the very hot, itchy blanket. As I sat under this blanket, up against an alarming sense of frailty and fear I heard in my spirit "This is what you do, In your day to day life, this is your reflex" i said "huh?" I heard, " you are living under a blanket to hide from the fear, your finding a sense of security under the blanket and your not allowing me to get to what is underneath because you are afraid." I began to download this revelation and I realized that what he was talking about what my weight. That was the day that the Lord spoke some of the most impactful words into my heart! He said "you are eating because you are hurting, not because you are hungry". He was right, I was covering myself in a body that was uncomfortable and awkward like the blanket in the heat of July. And I was using that body to hide from the fear of the unknown, the fear of the buzzing or the sense that life was buzzing around so fast around me that I couldn't keep up with where it was, or where i belonged in it. Most of all, It was that day that the Lord showed me that the BEE represented the spirit of fear in my life. After enough time passed and the noises softened, I came out for air I tore the blanket off of me and set stiffly while they buzzed around the area. I just closed my eyes and pictured the Cross, I pretended that Jesus was right in front of me and that he was going to protect me from the bees. I did eventually get up and move to another, less bee infested area. But I did not get stung by a bee that day.

Since then, God has showed me even more thing about this fear I struggle with. He is so good to open our eyes to the physical things and bring clarity of its spiritual meaning. I feel like what I have discovered about this bee thing is that I will always have the bees circling me. It's inevitable that they will be around. Just like the enemy, who is out to sting me. But, If I live in fear of this hovering presence I rob myself of living in victory in the freedom over this fear. I must be aware that they are around, I can even know the threat they pose. But I must remember that hiding from the spirit of fear, is only living under a blanket of doubt. And that blanket is just a wall we build around ourselves in attempt to protect our heart from the unknown. In reality, we are only building a wall between us and our Father that enables to us to experience the fullness of life he has for us! I think that day started the process of the healing from the inside out I have received. It started with the inside that day, and God worked all the way thru my heart into my spirit and out my body. And now, I am not living under an awkward blanket. I am living in the body that is free from the shame and fear. And it matches what is whole and free on the inside!

So, I will not BEE afraid! I will keep my eyes on Jesus and trust that the unknown is known by him, and he has a purpose for my life, that is not to sting me, but for hope in my final outcome! "For I know the plans I have for you, they are plans for good, not disaster, to give you a future and a hope" Jeremiah 29:11

"I was called to be free" ~Galatians 5:13

*DETOX*

My mind has been chasing down a string of thoughts for a few days now, i am pretty sure now is the time to try and form words to express these thoughts. It all started when it became very apparent that Jason and I were both fading quickly. As our fast near an end we began to feel lift less, tired, run down, emotional, moody and most of all... just flat empty. Physically speaking of course. Spiritually, we felt stronger, wiser, more equipped and the clarity we sought out, has definitely been fulfilled. This began to resound in my heart that there was something between the natural and super natural that coincided. As I have pondered these thoughts for a few days, this is what I have concluded; our body needs fuel to run properly as our spirits need God to run properly. This being the entity that makes a fast prevalent in our lives. When we sacrifice our fleshly needs and desires to seek food for our bodies... more than likely we will find ourselves with very full spirits. Allow me to try and make sense of my thoughts by giving you an example that I thought of today. It's like if protein represented Jesus in our diet. So, when we do with out the meat, the substance to our daily intake EVEN if we are eating fruits and veggies (representing say, good books and good teaching tapes) we begin to decline in our energy level. At first, we did great... the fruits and veggies were a really good source of nutrients for us. Just like if you are reading good christian books and listening to great teachings on line that is a great source of growing in your walk with God. It can actually be a healthy thing for your life. However, the same way that after a few days of no meat you begin to become sleepy and lazy, this might happen when you replace the intimacy with Jesus with a book or a tape. What I realized is detoxing physically is a pretty gross thing. If you no what I mean. The toxins come out of you one way or another. So, physically, you are allowing your body the opportunity to remove toxins from places it doesn't belong and you are also becoming more and more dependent on water to be your source to replace the lack of protein. So, what does the water represent? I would ask you this question. For me, I think the water acts as the thing that we try to utilize to overcompensate for the lack of protein. Some would say I have it backwards and Jesus should represent the water ... i say, give me a break people, i am trying to bring it home. The lord showed me that no matter how much water i drank, it couldn't replace the substance in my life. He revealed to me what the "water" in my life was. Meaning, what I used to try avoid the lack of him in my life. In this fast, he showed me that when I am on empty, I have to depend on him, nothing else. "My God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus,” Philippians 4:19.

There is no coincidence that is so happens when you fast you naturally detox. I be live that this is your body's way of physically representing what is happening in the supernatural. I totally feel like my spirit has let go of some toxins during this fast and both my spirit and my body are in a healthier place because of it. Even though physically I have been really wrecked the last few days, I think it is because God is trying to show us that sometimes, we have to be willing to get wrecked for the sake of his Glory in our outcome. We were willing to be submissive to his will in our lives, even if it looked pretty nasty along the way. We sought him for clarity and he delivered. We feel like this fast has been for a lot more reasons than we even knew. He is good, ALL the time, and he has revealed a glimpse of his promise to us. It is through an obedient faith that we have access into the grace of God! Romans 5:2.

Tonight on my way home I was pretty broken before the Lord. I was faced with the very wounds that caused me to fast in the 1st place, and in this I asked the Lord WHY did I feel released from this fast NOW. I asked him to confirm that it was not because of my flesh. I asked him to give me a clear answer of what he wanted out of me. I believe that he spoke to my heart and said "there is a reason that tonight is the night you will break fast, you will receive the promise i have given you for this fast tonight". I asked him again and again and I continue felt that he told me that, he loved me, he was proud of me and that he indeed felt that it had been fulfilled, for now. I was led to this verse "But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach; and it will be given to him,” James 1:5; I didn't know what the promise was at that time, but after dinner, we had a divine appointment with two of our friends that we have been walking thru the fire with these past few weeks. God was soverign, there was healing and restoration. And the promise was delivered. He is good, ALL the time. When they left, Jason and I knew that if for no other reason was it all for that, it was worth it. So much more I could write about, but i will save for another blog.

I will leave you with this, detoxing is uncomfrotable, it is sometimes painful. It causes weakness and tiredness. It says in Hebrews 12:10-11 But God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness. 11 No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way. But the best part is that we become clean and holy so that we can be filled up with all of the amazing promises and hope our Father has for us. I appreciate Daniel for his strength and comitment to the lifestyle he lived. One of the most awesome revelations I have had is just that, it was a lifestyle. I am commited to a lifestlye that includes fasting. I now can say, I get it. I have total confidence in the process. It has set me free in some areas and I can't wait until the next time it's time for a DETOX!

“You allowed men to ride over our heads. We went through fire and through water, But you brought us to the place of abundance,” Psalms 66:12.

"I was called to be free" ~ Galatians 5:13

~Take FIVE~

I stumbled upon this you tube video and it made my day! These are two women of God that I aspire to be like. They are both bold, wise, funny, beautiful, confident and STRONG women of God. They are not afraid to speak truth! The are passionate communicators, they uplift, encourage and rally women all over the world to do something productive in the kingdom of God. That being said... it is so nice to see them be just two chicks getting there hair did. What I would do to be the stylist in that room!

Check it out... it will make you laugh!




This just reminded me that being used in the Kingdom is important. But taking a break to feed your own needs is also important. God wants to do something with us, of course... but more than that, he wants to do something IN US! He will never use us at our own expense. So, could Charlotte and Chris been studying to be more effective in the night session of the women's event. Maybe, but they had roots and split ends. So... a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

In the same way I think that God wants me to depend on him to take care of my needs each time i am imbetween assignments for the kingdom. For instance, during this time of searching, Jason and I aren't REALLY involved in a whole lot of ministry. We have made ourselves available here and there, but are schedules are sure more open than they were at the previous church we attended. I think it is my nature to feel the pressure to fill all the time with things to DO for God. When maybe, he really just wants us to just allow him to pamper us and take care of OUR needs. The difference in allowing a time of being filled up so that we can serve effectively again and being just lazy is this; we want to be full of God so that we can pour it out on the lost and broken people of the kingdom. When we are empty again, we will come back and get filled up again. Just like these two ladies, they aren't going to miss the session to get pampered, they just took 5 to get pampered so they would look and feel their best at the next service.

I like this. It makes me happy.

"I was called to be free" ~ Galatians 5:13

Clarification...

I just want to clarify something so that my heart is heard thru what was a passionate spew on "The Church" in a moment of annoyance.

The thing about blogging that is the most important to me is to watch myself grow, see God work in my life, and record the special moments I share with him thru this journey we call "Life". Most importantly it is to be humble and to stay transparent. And because of the written evidence of the "blog", I have the ability to go back and see when I am wrong, out of line or when i need an attitude adjustment. Staying pure in heart has been the objective all along. This blog is not intended to word vomit my frustration at people, places or things... but rather to uplift, encourage and inspire people. And if that is not the purpose behind it, it is simply just for myself so that I can track my walk with God.

So let me clarify something I said in a previous blog. I referred to a pretty harsh statement said by the Kings when they arrived in Texas. "I hate Church"... this being the statement that was used for shock value to wake us up. This was not their heart, however, if you didn't know them, or you didn't know their amazing heart to see the body of Christ live in GRACE then you might mis-read what they mean. They came with a passion to see church done differently. Not to hate on the church. I used this statement to validate that I have caught the bug. Not to hate, be angry, rebel ect. against the body of Christ. That is NEVER my intention, nor was it theirs. My heart is that we see the body get uncomfortable and share the gospel of Christ the way it was intended to be shared. I LOVE God's people, and God's people are the CHURCH. WE are the Church. So, I LOVE the Church. Let that not be confused with my irritation of being complacent Christians. Which I myself have been for many years. Until the past few years, especially the last year I just simply misunderstood what it is I was supposed to be doing, and how I was supposed to live. I was bound by the law, and I was tied to a list of duties and works that would validate me as a believer.
That is the hovering spirit that I have gone to battle with. The spirit of legalism. Not all of the church carries this spirit, and I shouldn't sum us all into one category. There are people in the body of Christ that get the new covenant we have made with Christ and those are the people I want to join forces with so that we can get up off the pew and get in the kingdom of lost and broken people to share the LOVE of God.

But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? And how can they hear about him unless someone tell them? And how will anyone go and tell them without being sent? That is why the scripture say "how beautiful are the feet of messengers who bring good news" Romans 10:14-15

What my heart has tried to convey and admittedly in a arrogant way, is simply what this verse claims. I want to BE how they hear, and I want to answer the call to be SENT into the kingdom to share the good news. I want to have "beautiful feet". And quite honestly, where my hot head gets involved is my frustration that some believers are really just comfortable where they are and have shown no real follow thru with being the messengers. That doesn't give me the right to judge them. And for doing so I am sorry.

Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. Romans 12:9-11

This verse is the MOTHER verse in our lives. Thanks to the heart of Chris and Amanda, and their desire to impregnate this into our hearts over a year ago... this philosophy, this proclamation, this scripture, has been birthed in us. I know that I have used this verse as ammunition towards the church. Accusing them, if just in my heart of pretending to love people. But what the Lord is showing me is that I am held accountable to REALLY loving the CHURCH... not pretending to love them. My desire is to see the Church overcome the convenience of being a "lazy christian" and to work heard to serve God with enthusiasm. I can not however force feed this to the body of believers. I can only walk it out myself, and hope that those around me will see the freedom that comes when you are living as a servant of Christ.

I hope that this clarifies my heart on this matter. And although I don't apologize for praying the lazy out of us... I do apologize for the judgement placed upon the body of Christ.

"I was called to be free" ~ Galatians 5:13