Jude and his faithful & loving daddy

"FREE FALLING"

"Don't do that when daddy is not around, or you will fall down." That's what I just heard my husband say to our son as he fearlessly plunged into his daddy’s open arms.  He was standing at the end of the couch, using his arms for stability since his little legs cannot support his body yet.  Jason having just got home from work made his way over to the oversized white chair next to where Jude stood.  When Jason and Jude made eye contact, I watched as they both lit up.  Jude even let out a little giggle of joy.  Then Jason opened both arms and had just enough distance between himself and Jude that our 9 month baby would have to remove his stability to fall into his father’s embrace.  I looked at Jude and said, "Go to daddy, you can trust him, he will catch you."  And Jude, never taking his eyes off of his daddy released his hands and fell forward with complete child-like trust.  

What a beautiful picture of "child-like” faith!  If only we could all decide without hesitation to plunge into our Fathers open arms.  What if we didn't hesitate or become paralyzed with fear?  Can you imagine the confidence that would come with KNOWING we would be embraced by God?  What if we could just let go of our hold on temporary stability and accept the security our Father so desires us to have.  Fear is the opposite of trust!  If we were to keep our eyes on the Lord, and not focus so much on our circumstance, I believe we would be able to fall uninhibitedly into the peace of God's perfect will for our lives.  

Today my devotional quoted this scripture "For just as the heaves are higher than earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." - Isaiah 55:9. What a beautiful reminder that we don't have to depend on our own understanding or our own grasp of what we believe is "safe."  We can completely rest in the promise that God will always think abundantly more for us, and His ways will always be far greater than our own.  

While Jude was holding on for dear life to the couch, I bet he was thinking that he was invincible.  He had a look of determination on his face, even as his unstable legs teetered.  He was looking at me square in the eye, almost as though he was proud of his accomplishment.  The reality of the matter is despite the effort, it was just a matter of time before my sweet little boy's grasp weakened and caused him to fall to the ground.  The couch could not guarantee him stability because there was no back to support his under-developed legs.  

"Then your salvation will come like the dawn, and your wounds will quickly heal. Your godliness will lead you forward, and the glory of the LORD will protect you from behind"- Isaiah 58:8

Do we cling to our unstable circumstances?  Do we exude pride in our own strength to hold ourselves up?  I personally struggle with blind faith!  I have a need to know, and when there is uncertainty I stand with my hands tightly gripped on to my circumstances, wavering in mediocrity.  This is not God’s best for me, or you.  

When Jason found his way over to his son he just simply opened his arms, and without hesitation Jude leaned in, almost in slow motion.  He undoubtedly knew that his daddy was going to scoop him up into a firm and secure embrace.  As a mother, it was a beautiful sight.  There is nothing greater than to watch your child fall in love with you and your spouse.  The first time they call out for "Mama" or "Dah"… How it takes our breath away.  Don't you believe that Jesus loves us FAR greater than we could ever love our own children?  Do you believe that it brings him joy to hear us call out his name?  It wasn't until having a son that I was able to truly grasp God’s love for me.  I treasure the moments my baby "needs" me.  So, I can only imagine that our Heavenly Father cherishes those moments we depend on him with complete confidence that his love is enough to provide a life more abundant than we could ever fathom.  

I am reminded of this song; “Oh Lord, You’re beautiful.  Your face is all I see.  And when your eyes are on this child, your grace abounds to me.” 

My  son’s  faith in his father has inspired me to see only God’s face in the midst of my wavering circumstances.  To rest in the peace of his promises to me that when his eyes meet mine, I can lean into his embrace.  

I challenge you to take the plunge into your Father’s arms today.  No matter what your situation might be, release your grasp on your unstable reality and trust that if you fix your eyes on the Lord, He will support you and bring you to a place of safety.

He led me to a place of safety; He rescued me because he delights in me. Psalm 18:19

DO YOU HAVE TIME TO SEE COLOR?

Have you ever painted a picture? Well, even if you haven't you could probably imagine the process that one might go thru to create a piece of art. The long strokes vertically to cover the mass of the canvas followed by small strokes to add detail. The physical labour that would be required as your arms thrash vigorously to express the vision you have only shadows the emotion you have invested into this interpretation you call art. The emotion one would put into a piece of art would be a great personal feat as it would require you to pull from your soul the views and feelings you have locked inside. It would have you plow up any creative or innovative perceptions to flow with ease into your piece. I believe that self evaluation is often necessary in expressing ones self thru art, which would require allowing yourself to be purged of anything that would disrupt the beauty of this masterpiece in the making. It would also mean allowing light to fall on pain that could be expressed thru your vulnerability. In addition to the physical labour and the emotional investment, I could only imagine there would be a great time sacrifice as a true artist would never rest until he felt at ease with his muse. I would bet that an artist steps away from his piece only to come back and find an imperfection that requires changes and modifications to capture the original thought. Think of the time it would consume to create this piece of art that is an expression of your soul.

Do you have the time for the final outcome?

 This revelation came to me by talking to one of my best friend about hair. Yes, hair can actually bring forth deep thoughts. I was sharing with her how in my business it is common for people to have their hair colored and when the final product is revealed, walk away un-happy. It's my job to make sure that a client loves the way they look and feel when they leave my chair. So, if someone leaves feeling disappointed, but doesn't let me know they are un-happy, I am unaware therefore unable to change it. As I was expressing to my friend how frustrating it is that someone would rather leave un-happy, than spend the time allowing me to go back and add or take away whatever necessary for them to love their hair, she said "Do you think that is how God feels about us?" This thought was seriously profound and stopped me dead in my tracks. I started to think about my craft. It is an art to me! When beginning a color service, I have a vision but sometimes as the artist, I step away when I am finished and I realize that the end result does not capture the beauty that was in my original thought. It's rare that someone has the time to sit in my chair for another couple of hours for me to go back and perfect it so that it is a true expression of my vision. And so I let them know if they are at all un-happy, to please come back and let me make a few changes. Most people have little grace for this. They automatically de-validate me as a hair stylist, or an artist. They assume if I don't get it right the first time, then I must not know what I am doing. And they quickly replace me with another hair stylist. This saddens me because they miss the whole point of my craft. I am an artist. If I got it right the first time, every time... would I still be able to call myself one? If only they would come back to me and allow me to elaborate or make a changes to the "painting" they might find that their hair becomes a true masterpiece. It's such a shame that instead of honesty and opportunity to create true art, I am brushed aside for the next stylist, who in fact will eventually fail to impart perfection. Isn't it the PURSUIT for perfection that I should be trying to obtain? Do you think that Di Vinci mastered the Mona lisa on the 1st time? How about Beethoven, do you think he wrote the symphony no 9 in an hour? Absolutely not, because the heart of an artist is the ability to create, and creation is the process of seeing an original thought transform into a work of art. This takes time and willingness to go back to the drawing board to accomplish something the artist can be proud of. It's the pursuit of perfection, not solely perfection, that separates the good from the magnificent.

VINCENT VAN GOGH said "Keep going, keep going come what may. But what is your final goal, you may ask. That goal will become clearer, will emerge slowly but surely, much as the draft turns into the sketch and the sketch into the painting through the serious work done on it, through the elaboration of the original vague idea and through the consolidation of the first fleeting and passing thought."

If I could have it my way, I would take one client a day. So I could take a thought and elaborate on it until it became more than my mind could contain. Because to me, that is art. It is when you allow yourself the freedom to expand, express, create, elaborate, change, erase and start again, add or take away. It is when you allow your thought to transform and come to fruition in a way that even our own minds couldn't have foreseen. If God is the artist of life, the author and creator of the universe.... then more than any Picasso, van Gogh or Krause, wouldn't he deserve the freedom to take his time laboring on the masterpiece he calls our life? "Do you think God feels this way about us"? That's the thought that started in my head. And with time, heart, emotion and many times reaching with my right ring finger to press delete... I was able to take this thought into a true expression of what was inside me. Do we truly trust God to complete the work he has started in us?

 And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. Philippians 1:6

Do we have the time to let him use our lives as a canvas to showcase that he is the artist of all time? Would we be willing to let him make our lives into an art piece that would reveal his glory? Or are we going to leave him unhappy the 1st time we don't like the results? Are we going to jump to another God or Idol that might fulfill our needs on the 1st try? When will we realize that God is the pursuer of our hearts and begin to wait on his timing to complete the work he started?

After the gift of this revelation, I for one have decided that I would be honored to give Jesus the time to complete the work in me. I will stop running every time that I don't understand, or I don't like the outcome of a situation. I will trust in his timing, and that the outcome he has planned is far greater than I could receive from another source. I will give him the room for imagination and elaboration along the way. When something goes astray, I will choose to smile with gratitude that he is making art our of my mess.

I will see color when I don't understand. I will see color when I face change. I will see color when he expands his thoughts and plans for my life. I will see color as he paints the story for my life.

 Do you have time to see Color?

"ONE MOMENT AT A TIME"...

To be inspired doesn't requires a lot for me. A thought, song or simply a beautiful scenery can prompt a series of revelations. I believe that God speaks to us thru these things, and most of the time we are so caught up in our busy lives, we miss it. As I sit here in Colorado, looking at the beautiful creation Jesus made just for us to admire, I am inspired.

What does it mean to be "relaxed"? This is something I really struggle with!!! I am always thinking 2 thoughts ahead. To be relaxed would mean being present in the moment offered to me. It would mean stoping to admire what God intended to be a form of romance for me. The beautiful weather, the mountains, the peaceful sound of the river that is passing thru the patches of frozen ice. It's taking a deep breath in and listening to what Jesus is saying to me thru the solitude. I long to be still long enough to hear his voice. "One moment at a time" that is what Jason says. In this moment I am surrounded by family, warmth, laughter, the restlessness of our sweet babies, a classic movie in the background... love. I think what I could find in this moment is the feeling of contentment. Knowing I am loved, and that I am blessed. I believe Jesus is here in this room with us and I am grateful to him for the opportunity to share this peace with the people who I love the most.

I need to blog more. I am going to make the effort, at least while i'm in the mountains. Today, I am inspired to write, to create, to think, to relax... but most of all, to listen and look for the sweet things Jesus has in store for me.

The Dance,,,

Someone once described labor and delivery as "A Dance between Mother and Baby". This was such a beautiful description to me, and it gave me a sense of peace. After all, I know how to dance so I knew I could do this.

Jeremiah 31...
Hope For Restoration
Long ago the Lord said to Israel:
“I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love.
With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.
4 I will rebuild you, my virgin Israel.
I will not forget the blind and lame,
the expectant mothers and women in labor.
A great company will return!
9 Tears of joy will stream down their faces,
and I will lead them home with great care.
They will walk beside quiet streams
and on smooth paths where they will not stumble.
12 They will come home and sing songs of joy on the heights of Jerusalem.
They will be radiant because of the Lord’s good gifts—
the abundant crops of grain, new wine, and olive oil,
and the healthy flocks and herds.
Their life will be like a watered garden,
and all their sorrows will be gone.
13 The young women will dance for joy,
and the men—old and young—will join in the celebration.
I will turn their mourning into joy.
I will comfort them and exchange their sorrow for rejoicing.
14 The priests will enjoy abundance,
and my people will feast on my good gifts.
I, the Lord, have spoken!”

As I read thru this verse, I was in awe. The Lord brought life into this verse a year ago this month when my mother in law was sentenced to 10 years in prison. She and I both were given this verse, which in and of itself was a miracle. One that is still unfolding before our eyes. For over a year now she has been faithfully pursing the Lord. She is amazing, and I can't express to you how it saddens me to be approaching this monumental moment in our life, with her worlds away. As sad as this makes me, I can take joy in the fact that I have seen her be transformed from the inside out. We have witnessed what we thought was impossible. Because, with God... ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE! With all the adversity she has faced, and that her past brought into our lives to face with her... she has become the mother, friends and woman that God ALWAYS intended. Angela- I know you will read this, I want you to know that as I am laboring for the life of my child. You have labored for 18 months now, for new life. And God has brought forth the radiant glow in you that you so earnestly searched for. I am so proud of who you are, and the mother you have become to your two sons, and to me. And for the investment you have made into my little boy, and you haven't even gotten to feel him move. Yet, you have been here, in my heart the whole journey. I love you so much and I can't wait to share life with you. You are worthy, you are valuable, you are acceptable. And NEW LIFE has been birthed in you. It's time for you to Dance.

You see, I believe that God will speak to us, everywhere we look if we allow him. Tonight for instance, he is bringing to mind thru my labor, the dreams and visions he has for his people. He promises joy in the morning. He promises hope for our future. HE promises comfort and rest for the broken and weary. And all he ask from us is to bring forth our PRAISE. In our praise, he will give us rest. My son's name means Praise. We chose that name, because it fits divinely with the testimony of his existence. We were told we weren't likely to have children. BUT GOD. God is good, and faithful and every time I look at my little boy, I will remember to PRAISE. Tonight, I am made aware of his unconditional love for me once again. There has been many times thru the past 9 months I have been so confused as to where God was in my life! I had so many struggles, just as I will endure thru this process of labor. But the end result is LIFE & JOY! I believe that everything he has allowed me to walk thru has been for such a time as this. To prepare me to believe in myself and in his strength and mercy for me. To rest in him when it seems impossible. I have control issues, this has been made very apparent to me this past season. And from day 1 of this pregnancy, I have known God wanted to do something great in me thru the process of giving birth. The revelation that is flowing forth from this time with him tonight is this; pain is short lived. He allows us to endure pain and struggle to teach us courage and to test our faith. He allows us to walk thru the fire, but protects us from being burned. He is FOR US! In everything, he wants us to praise him, because he is worthy. And his plan is for peace and hope in our hearts, minds, body and souls. The closer that the labor pains get together, the more intense they get. I believe this is a reflection of the growth and stretching he desires for his people. Not for pain, but for perseverance, for faith, for dependency on him. The closer we get to that LIFE we are in trusted with, be in a baby, or a calling... the labor intensifies. The struggles multiply. But the rest is still readily available. It's offered freely, and up to us to call upon.

Tonight, I call upon you father. I lay here in total dependency on you. I cry at your holiness, and bow to your worthiness. You are so sovereign, and I trust you with this birth. God, your plans are for peace and joy for me and Jude tonight. I stand in that, and I claim over us right now the redemption you have offered to me on Calvary. God you said that you have come to bring us life and life more abundant. You didn't say it would be easy, but you said you would never leave us. So tonight I ask that you would remove all fear and anxiety. That you would flood your peace and understanding over me right now! Jesus give me a supernatural rest in you. Cover me and Jude with your promises and the blood you shed to protect me. God I will remember to call upon you in the midst of the valleys and praise you for the moments of pain, because I might not have had the chance to experience it at all without your healing in my body. Jesus, I lay down all my fears and anxiety at your feet. I will trust you to be near to me in the hours of need. I will not feel alone, I will draw my strength and courage from you first before anyone. Help me keep my eyes on you. And when I am weak or weary, bring your throne room to me Father, so that I may touch the hem of your robe. Hem me in on every side, go before me and stand behind me Jesus. You are good Lord, I give you praise. I give you praise tonight God. You are so worthy, you are so holy and I love you for your goodness, I love you for your promises, I love you because you are my daddy, my friend, my comforter, and more than all, the one that I can call on that will never leave or forsake me. In your precious name! Amen.

The best part of me

I'm in awe of you and we haven't even met.
You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen
and that's a funny thing, because I haven't seen you yet.
Your laugh is my anthem, the reason for my breath
And you don't even have lungs or a voice to laugh with.

How amazing is it that I'm in love with you, and your heart barely beats
How spectacular that you have all 10 toes, yet you haven't grown your feet
How stunning is your smile, and your lips are just a spec
How incredible is it that your the best part of me, and I haven't met you yet

Everybody said "you'll understand some day,
This feeling of love will overwhelm you!"
They said "just wait, it's like nothing you've ever felt"
and its true, the thought of you makes my heart melt!
They also said "You will have a baby that will be just like you"
And they laughed at the thought...
But Im not afraid of that, because the love that I feel is so big inside
That I can handle a crazy ride!

How amazing is it that I'm in love with you, and your heart barely beats
How spectacular that you have all 10 toes, yet you haven't grown your feet
How stunning is your smile, and your lips are just a spec
How incredible is it that your the best part of me, and I haven't met you yet

Baby I know that you can't understand today,
What your mommy feels inside
But I know that you can feel, and that you know you are safe
And that feeling will never go away!
Baby, I know that you cant hear me yet
But that won't stop me from telling you how much i love you
I will tell you every single day until the day I die
I hope thats forever away, so I can share with you a lifetime!

You make me want to be better, stand taller, live harder
You make me want to reach further, act wiser, love deeper
You make me want to sing louder, write longer, forgive easier
You make me want to dream bigger, my baby....

How amazing is it that I'm in love with you, and your heart barely beats
How spectacular that you have all 10 toes, yet you haven't grown your feet
How stunning is your smile, and your lips are just a spec
How incredible is it that your the best part of me, and I haven't met you yet

"The ARRANGEMENT"

~Now the Lord had arranged for a great fish to swallow Jonah. And Jonah was inside the fish for three days and three nights.~ Jonah 1:17

The other night I was about to turn on the TV and the Holy Spirit whispered to me that I needed to read the book of Jonah. I quickly put down the remote and picked up my bible. I read the entire book quickly, the revelation came just as quickly.
The Lord said "YOU AND JASON ARE JONAHS WHALE"!!! When Jonah was disobedient and turned his back on the call to go to the people of Nineveh and spread the word that God has seen the wicked ways of the people, God sent a raging storm his way. In the midst of that storm God "arranged" for a whale to swallow him up. While he was in the belly of this fish, The Lord spoke clearly to Jonah, and Jonah was able to hear God and remember his love for Christ. He was inspired to fulfill the call on his life. After God had his undivided attention for 3 days, with no distractions, he was spit out and Jonah went straight to the city of Nineveh to fulfill his mission.

This really amazes me. God ARRANGED this storm, he arranged the whale to be in the right place in all of the sea to swallow Jonah up, and he arranged for a divine encounter to speak tenderly to him, to remind him of his purpose. God did not use the whale as a source of punishment for Jonah. He used the whale as a holding device. It was a source of hope, intervention, protection and a place of clarity. It was a divine intervention. Much like the one Jason and I are in the midst of right now.

God rescued our little Jonah from a raging storm, he used Jason and I to be the safe place to surround and protect Jonah while he meets with him to bring good news. Hope, restoration, redemption, understanding and clarity. Jonah in the bible was angry at God, that is why he turned from him to begin with. Our Jonah has been angry at God because he has not understood why a "graceful" God would leave him in a hopeless situation. So, because of the plan and purpose God has for our Jonah's life, for Angela (Jason's mothers) life, he intervened. He had us (the whale) swallow him up, to give God a chance to speak to him. To remind him of his goodness and faithfulness. And although it looks like it will be about 365 days (not 3) I BELIEVE when he brings him back to dry land, Jonah will understand his purpose and he will be willing to walk with God on whatever road he takes him down. I believe that his salvation has come thru the storm that has had him trapped in a place of refuge with his Father.

Jonah 2:5-9
5 “I sank beneath the waves,
and the waters closed over me.
Seaweed wrapped itself around my head.
6 I sank down to the very roots of the mountains.
I was imprisoned in the earth,
whose gates lock shut forever.
But you, O Lord my God,
snatched me from the jaws of death!
7 As my life was slipping away,
I remembered the Lord.
And my earnest prayer went out to you
in your holy Temple.
8 Those who worship false gods
turn their backs on all God’s mercies.
9 But I will offer sacrifices to you with songs of praise,
and I will fulfill all my vows.
For my salvation comes from the Lord alone.”



I am in AWE of my Father. I believe because of our obedience, we avoid the storm. Ninevehs decision to repent of their wicked ways and bow to the Father of the universe after receiving the message from Jonah, resulted in God having mercy on them and let them live a full life. I think that because we are being obedient to share the word with Jonah and we are invested in his broken heart during this time, God is going to reward; Angela, Jonah, Jason and I with grace and fullness of life!

Jonah 3:10 When God saw what they had done and how they had put a stop to their evil ways, he changed his mind and did not carry out the destruction he had threatened
Jonah 4:1 I knew that you are a merciful and compassionate God, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. You are eager to turn back from destroying people.


We have a message to bring. We have a call to fulfill. We have a mantle to wear. We have a little 12 year old boy to protect and show the mercy and grace of the one who calls us REDEEMED!

I praise him today for the "ARRANGEMENT" he has made. I gladly accept the call.

"I was called to be free" ~ Galatians 5:13

"I will NOT forget"

"He reached down from heaven and rescued me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemies, from those who hated me and those who were to strong for me. They attacked me at a moment when i was in distress, but the Lord supported me. He led me to a place of safety; he rescued me because he delights in me" 2 Samuel 22:17-20

This is my story. It was the Saturday before Easter 2006, I was in the pit of my own hell. It was in fact on the same day 2000 plus years earlier that my God went to the fires of hell to fight the enemy for the keys to death. And very much like my King, I battled my enemy on that Saturday afternoon. I was a broken mess, in utter turmoil and headed for destruction. I was headed for death. A part of me did die that day, but it wasn't the death the enemy had planned for me. I began to lay myself at the feet of Jesus in desperation for grace and mercy. And as I surrendered my whole heart to him, his grace flooded my heart, soul, mind and body. I began to release chains that had me bound for years, and it was just the beginning. That was a long night, as I was still conflicted between my flesh and this new spirit taking over me. I battled the lies from the enemy that I was not worthy of God's love, of any one's love. I woke up the next morning to a yearning in my spirit for more of what I had the day before. I got ready to go to church with my family and in a state of numbness, I knew that that pew is the only place on earth I desired to be at that moment. It was about half way thru worship, everyone was seated, enjoying the beautiful sounds coming from the choir and orchestra. All I heard was "stand up, stand up, stand up". I couldn't fight my flesh anymore, the new spirit that I had a glimpse of the day before, jolted into my very being. I jumped to my feet, both hands stretched to the sky, and then it happened. "HE REACHED DOWN FROM HEAVEN AND RESCUED ME, HE BROUGHT ME TO A PLACE OF SAFETY, HE RESCUED ME BECAUSE HE DELIGHTS IN ME" It has been 4 years today since I encountered the Love of Christ on a intimate level.

My walk with Father began on April 18, 2006. Location; my heart, building: Bethesda Community Church, witnesses: family, friends, pastors and God of the Universe who calls me by name.
""Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior." Isaiah 43:1-4

Every Easter, I REMEMBER what HE did for me!!!! Literally, what he did for ME on that day. It's not just Easter to me anymore, the day when I celebrate that my King is alive. Although that is a joyous occasion worthy of much celebration. But it is the day I celebrate that my King is ALIVE in ME!!!! He loved me enough to give me new life, on the same weekend 2000 years after he DIED to give us all new life. What an amazing testimony to his love for me. I will NEVER forget what Easter really means. It is more than just a holiday with pretty dresses and colorful candy. It is the moment in all of my life when the very meaning of the blood shed on that cross, came alive in me. He died to give us abundant grace, to give us a life that is without stains. He endured the cross despite the shame he faced to release me from chains of sin and darkness. (Hebrews 12:1-4 Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up. After all, you have not yet given your lives in your struggle against sin." ) HE DID THIS BECAUSE OF THE JOY AWAITING HIM... He CHOSE to die, he knew what was on the other side of the cross. And I have shared this JOY with him every since Christ raised me from death with him.

I will NOT forget.

"He called me to be free" ~ Galatians 5:13

LIVE FREE

Jason and I have made a choice to pursue FREEDOM with a vengeance. We are relentless in our pursuit after Fathers abundant life for us. We believe that we have a personal choice to be or to not be, free. We also know that are flesh is always going to push us to be in chains of un-forgiveness, bitterness, idolatry, entitlement... sin. When our flesh meets our spirit, we make a choice. Will we accept the plee from the enemy to hold out our wrist to be placed in chains? Or will we look the enemy square in the face, unsheathe our swords and wage war on him to bring home the victory to our Father? That is the choice. So many times in our lives, we let our flesh win because we are so worn down and weary that we don't have it in us to fight to be free from the enemy's attempts of temporary fulfilment. I have been brought to a place where I can actually feel the collision of my spirit and my flesh meet. And when this happens, it actually is a normal reaction to act in the flesh. Knowing that is my human nature, when I face moments where these two meet, I just take a moment to step back and "pass it to the spirit". When we face moments when we let our flesh win, we must get back up again and trust God will use it for the good. "We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken, we are perplexed but we do not give up and quit, We are hunted down, but God never abandons us, we get knocked down but we get up again and keep going"~ 2 Corinthians 4:8-10 This being said, the reason why i love this picture is because Jason and I are doing life together, and we are keeping each other in chains of grace by fighting for both our freedom and the freedom of each other. We only get to do life once, we have to make the choice to LIVE FREE!!!!

~I was called to be free. ~ Galatians 5:13

~Diamonds & Swords~

I love this picture! It captures who I am from the inside out. I feel like it makes a statement. THIS IS THE GATE THAT I CALL MY "POST", I AM CALLED TO THIS GATE TO USHER PEOPLE INTO THE THRONE ROOM, I AM CALLED TO THE GATE TO BATTLE THE DARKNESS THAT RESIDES ON THE OTHER SIDE, I AM CALLED TO THE GATE TO MEET PEOPLE THAT HAVE COME BROKEN AND LOOKING FOR SOMETHING ON THE OTHER SIDE AND I HAVE BEEN CALLED A DAUGHTER OF THE KING OF KINGS! I feel like it shows that I am a "girly girl" but not to be mistaken with a fierce force for the Kingdom of God. I LOVE that I KNOW the power behind my weapon, and I am not afraid to use it to protect the children of God. I know that it seems dramatic to have take a picture of myself with a sword at a gate, but why would you expect anything less from me? I treasure the symbolism in this photo. The sword, the gate, the pearls, the rad headband that shows a bit of my funky side. I am so proud to be a princess warrior of the most high!

This just goes to show you to never under estimate the power of a woman of God. We might be all dolled up, but behind our diamond shoes and bird cage headbands is a strong, courageous, mighty woman of God.

~I was called to be free ~ Galatians 5:13

Clarence the Camel

A couple of weeks ago at church, my dad spoke on a particular subject that struck home with me. He brought our attention to a camel (That my dad has named "Clarence") that lives amongst a heard of buffalo, off 114 and trophy club dr. In his description of this odd sight, he brought light to the fact, that Clarence probably felt like the fat kid. Or, the skinny kid... whatever. That all of the buffalo are alike, and Clarence just hangs out with no friends, or none like him at least. This must suck for Clarence, day after day, to be the odd one out. To look different, act different, feel different, eat different... and on and on. I started thinking, I really feel like a camel in the middle of a heard of buffalo right now. I feel like I'm the sore thumb that just doesn't really fit. I feel, misplaced. I feel these things for many reasons. What is quite ironic is that the night before my dad spoke of Clarence, I had just had a minor revelation about how my clothes are really beginning to take on new meaning in my life. I was trying to express to Jason that I felt the same way in life as I do when I stand in my closet. Because of my weight loss (and I know, it's a "good problem to have") I have no clothes that fit. They are all to large, and if they do fit it is only from this least of reasons why; 1. they are from years ago before i gained weight, which would make the outdated, 2. They are my mothers hand me downs,or 3. They are my sisters hand me downs. Thus resulting in a closet full of clothes that don't don't actually express my personal style. So, i began to look into that a bit and what I realized was that, I don't really know what my personal style is. I think that for the past 7 years that I have been overweight, i just bought clothes that fit, i didn't care much if i liked them... it was just a bonus if i could find something that fit. And now that I can wear normal (none plus size) clothes, i have no idea where to shop or what to buy. I also don't have the resources to just throw all my clothes away and start over. This being the reason that I look like my mother 3 days a week, and my sister 2 days a week. And end up wearing sweats the other 2 days. Now, I think my mother and my sister are both super cute and they have great styles. My mom in her leopard and diamonds and my sister in her pink bows and polka dots. Me however, I would say my perfect outfit would be; jeans, vintage shirt, cardigan, scarf, hat and a random color of chucks with some self added bling to the toe of the shoe. Perhaps a strand of pearls or a belt that didn't match. This however is something that i can picture in my head, but if i went into my closet, would be unlikely to find. Thus resulting in looking like a total poser and not being true to myself. Let me bring this home, see... it's like in my life, i am trying on all of these different things; beliefs, spiritual gifts, friends, churches...etc. But nothing seems to be fitting just right. (with the exception of a few items: IE friends) It's like, it's all someone elses style, or it isn't fitting the way that i want it to. It's like I am trying to shove myself into a pair of jeans that I just can't fit into yet. I feel the same way when i reflect on the frustration of where this last year has brought me as I do when I am sitting under 17 outfits that I have pulled off the hanger and thrown on the floor in an attempt to just BE ME. Another good comparison is this, I worked my butt off to lose weight. I am proud of the 55 lbs weight loss, I am excited and passionate, but now that I can actually wear fun clothes that express myself, I have nothing that works. In the same way, I have worked HARD for the past 3 years to break free from sin and walk in FREEDOM! I have laid my junk at the cross to bring glory to God with my growth. And now that I am a whole and complete person on the inside, I find myself having to validate myself as good enough, strong enough, mature enough in my walk with God to be used in a bigger way. All of this to say, My clothes and my current circumstances, are really not doing anything to enhance my inside, or outside.
Now Clarence, he has no choice but to dress like himself. This is perhaps the reason why he stands out, people look at him when they drive by, not the 30 buffalo around him. I bet some days he wishes that he could dress in black and pack on a few lbs, what do you think? But maybe, just maybe Clarence is comfortable in his own skin. Maybe he likes being the eye candy as people drive by. I am sure he got a great laugh the other day when I drove by and in my determination to spot him, I drove my car into the median and busted my wheel all sorts of up. Surly he likes that he is a show stopper. I love this about Clarence, I choose to believe that he feels special. And as I write this, I feel like I am having my own revelation about my recent feelings of isolation. Maybe Dad's right, MAYBE God has a purpose for us standing out in the crowd. Maybe the heard of buffalo need a camel to bring something new, something different, something that is comfortable standing out! I like Clarence, I like clothes... I think all that is missing, is that I like myself enough to trust that I am in the right place, at the right time... even though I have no idea what the future looks like. I have to count my blessing, I could have a huge humps on my back, ay?

"I am called to be free" ~ Galatians 5:13

"BEE not afraid"

I have never been fond of bugs of any kind. However, if you have known me for any length of time, you are probably more than aware of my fear of bees. This is not your normal "oh crap, there is a bee". This is a fear that causes me to not be responsible for the things that might occur while around a bee. Perhaps I would lose my salvation in the presence of a bee, like say some words that I wouldn't recommend saying, or run in circles while waving my hands uncontrollably above my head, screaming "help me, help me". There was even one time on a beautiful afternoon I was driving with my windows down and one of those buggers flew in my car and decided to take a stroll on my skirt, I am not lying when I tell you that in a moment of panic, I just put the car in park in the middle of the road, got out of the car and begin to run circles around my car doing the flailing arms movement screaming to the car behind me "It's a bee, help!!! It's a bee" As I am sure you would have, they laughed at me, but did not see it necessary to help me. It's like I like my forehead speaks BEE and says "Come to me, all the bees in the land, I enjoy your threatening spirit, please come flock to me so that I can freak out inside". All of this to say, that I become paralyzed with fear in the presence of a bee!!!!!

I don't know what it is so much, maybe it's the unknown. I have never been stung by a bee. Maybe its the "hearsay" that bee stings hurt. Maybe it's the noise they make, like they make their presence known when they just circle you with there little buzzing noises. Maybe it's because they move so dang fast that you can hardly follow them with your eyes. I am not sure what it is about them, but any time I encounter a bee, i can assure you... i turn into a 5 year old on a bad dose of crack.

July of 08' God was so good to speak to me a bit about this fear of Bees. It was my fast day on my heart quest and it was way to early to be awake. I picked up my lawn chairs on the way out the door and grabbed a fleece blanket i had bought for the bus ride down. Obviously it was in the heat of the year so the blanket was just a whim, i thought maybe i would decide to lay down on the ground or something. (right, as if i would have partied with the ants) Anyway, as I was walking away from the house, headed to find the perfect spot to start my day, I began to think about the situation. I thought to myself; its hot, its early, there are bugs out here, Lord, why on earth would this be the way you want to spend the day with me? This is NOT my idea of a good time!!!" I found a spot next to a tree, at least i would be in the shade. About 3 seconds after getting settled and sitting down, I heard the buzz. That's right, it was my very own pack of bees. swarming me with a vengeance. I quickly began to ball my head of while grabbing the fleece blanket and wrapping myself from head to toe. Even my face was hidden under the very hot, itchy blanket. As I sat under this blanket, up against an alarming sense of frailty and fear I heard in my spirit "This is what you do, In your day to day life, this is your reflex" i said "huh?" I heard, " you are living under a blanket to hide from the fear, your finding a sense of security under the blanket and your not allowing me to get to what is underneath because you are afraid." I began to download this revelation and I realized that what he was talking about what my weight. That was the day that the Lord spoke some of the most impactful words into my heart! He said "you are eating because you are hurting, not because you are hungry". He was right, I was covering myself in a body that was uncomfortable and awkward like the blanket in the heat of July. And I was using that body to hide from the fear of the unknown, the fear of the buzzing or the sense that life was buzzing around so fast around me that I couldn't keep up with where it was, or where i belonged in it. Most of all, It was that day that the Lord showed me that the BEE represented the spirit of fear in my life. After enough time passed and the noises softened, I came out for air I tore the blanket off of me and set stiffly while they buzzed around the area. I just closed my eyes and pictured the Cross, I pretended that Jesus was right in front of me and that he was going to protect me from the bees. I did eventually get up and move to another, less bee infested area. But I did not get stung by a bee that day.

Since then, God has showed me even more thing about this fear I struggle with. He is so good to open our eyes to the physical things and bring clarity of its spiritual meaning. I feel like what I have discovered about this bee thing is that I will always have the bees circling me. It's inevitable that they will be around. Just like the enemy, who is out to sting me. But, If I live in fear of this hovering presence I rob myself of living in victory in the freedom over this fear. I must be aware that they are around, I can even know the threat they pose. But I must remember that hiding from the spirit of fear, is only living under a blanket of doubt. And that blanket is just a wall we build around ourselves in attempt to protect our heart from the unknown. In reality, we are only building a wall between us and our Father that enables to us to experience the fullness of life he has for us! I think that day started the process of the healing from the inside out I have received. It started with the inside that day, and God worked all the way thru my heart into my spirit and out my body. And now, I am not living under an awkward blanket. I am living in the body that is free from the shame and fear. And it matches what is whole and free on the inside!

So, I will not BEE afraid! I will keep my eyes on Jesus and trust that the unknown is known by him, and he has a purpose for my life, that is not to sting me, but for hope in my final outcome! "For I know the plans I have for you, they are plans for good, not disaster, to give you a future and a hope" Jeremiah 29:11

"I was called to be free" ~Galatians 5:13

*DETOX*

My mind has been chasing down a string of thoughts for a few days now, i am pretty sure now is the time to try and form words to express these thoughts. It all started when it became very apparent that Jason and I were both fading quickly. As our fast near an end we began to feel lift less, tired, run down, emotional, moody and most of all... just flat empty. Physically speaking of course. Spiritually, we felt stronger, wiser, more equipped and the clarity we sought out, has definitely been fulfilled. This began to resound in my heart that there was something between the natural and super natural that coincided. As I have pondered these thoughts for a few days, this is what I have concluded; our body needs fuel to run properly as our spirits need God to run properly. This being the entity that makes a fast prevalent in our lives. When we sacrifice our fleshly needs and desires to seek food for our bodies... more than likely we will find ourselves with very full spirits. Allow me to try and make sense of my thoughts by giving you an example that I thought of today. It's like if protein represented Jesus in our diet. So, when we do with out the meat, the substance to our daily intake EVEN if we are eating fruits and veggies (representing say, good books and good teaching tapes) we begin to decline in our energy level. At first, we did great... the fruits and veggies were a really good source of nutrients for us. Just like if you are reading good christian books and listening to great teachings on line that is a great source of growing in your walk with God. It can actually be a healthy thing for your life. However, the same way that after a few days of no meat you begin to become sleepy and lazy, this might happen when you replace the intimacy with Jesus with a book or a tape. What I realized is detoxing physically is a pretty gross thing. If you no what I mean. The toxins come out of you one way or another. So, physically, you are allowing your body the opportunity to remove toxins from places it doesn't belong and you are also becoming more and more dependent on water to be your source to replace the lack of protein. So, what does the water represent? I would ask you this question. For me, I think the water acts as the thing that we try to utilize to overcompensate for the lack of protein. Some would say I have it backwards and Jesus should represent the water ... i say, give me a break people, i am trying to bring it home. The lord showed me that no matter how much water i drank, it couldn't replace the substance in my life. He revealed to me what the "water" in my life was. Meaning, what I used to try avoid the lack of him in my life. In this fast, he showed me that when I am on empty, I have to depend on him, nothing else. "My God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus,” Philippians 4:19.

There is no coincidence that is so happens when you fast you naturally detox. I be live that this is your body's way of physically representing what is happening in the supernatural. I totally feel like my spirit has let go of some toxins during this fast and both my spirit and my body are in a healthier place because of it. Even though physically I have been really wrecked the last few days, I think it is because God is trying to show us that sometimes, we have to be willing to get wrecked for the sake of his Glory in our outcome. We were willing to be submissive to his will in our lives, even if it looked pretty nasty along the way. We sought him for clarity and he delivered. We feel like this fast has been for a lot more reasons than we even knew. He is good, ALL the time, and he has revealed a glimpse of his promise to us. It is through an obedient faith that we have access into the grace of God! Romans 5:2.

Tonight on my way home I was pretty broken before the Lord. I was faced with the very wounds that caused me to fast in the 1st place, and in this I asked the Lord WHY did I feel released from this fast NOW. I asked him to confirm that it was not because of my flesh. I asked him to give me a clear answer of what he wanted out of me. I believe that he spoke to my heart and said "there is a reason that tonight is the night you will break fast, you will receive the promise i have given you for this fast tonight". I asked him again and again and I continue felt that he told me that, he loved me, he was proud of me and that he indeed felt that it had been fulfilled, for now. I was led to this verse "But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach; and it will be given to him,” James 1:5; I didn't know what the promise was at that time, but after dinner, we had a divine appointment with two of our friends that we have been walking thru the fire with these past few weeks. God was soverign, there was healing and restoration. And the promise was delivered. He is good, ALL the time. When they left, Jason and I knew that if for no other reason was it all for that, it was worth it. So much more I could write about, but i will save for another blog.

I will leave you with this, detoxing is uncomfrotable, it is sometimes painful. It causes weakness and tiredness. It says in Hebrews 12:10-11 But God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness. 11 No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way. But the best part is that we become clean and holy so that we can be filled up with all of the amazing promises and hope our Father has for us. I appreciate Daniel for his strength and comitment to the lifestyle he lived. One of the most awesome revelations I have had is just that, it was a lifestyle. I am commited to a lifestlye that includes fasting. I now can say, I get it. I have total confidence in the process. It has set me free in some areas and I can't wait until the next time it's time for a DETOX!

“You allowed men to ride over our heads. We went through fire and through water, But you brought us to the place of abundance,” Psalms 66:12.

"I was called to be free" ~ Galatians 5:13

~Take FIVE~

I stumbled upon this you tube video and it made my day! These are two women of God that I aspire to be like. They are both bold, wise, funny, beautiful, confident and STRONG women of God. They are not afraid to speak truth! The are passionate communicators, they uplift, encourage and rally women all over the world to do something productive in the kingdom of God. That being said... it is so nice to see them be just two chicks getting there hair did. What I would do to be the stylist in that room!

Check it out... it will make you laugh!




This just reminded me that being used in the Kingdom is important. But taking a break to feed your own needs is also important. God wants to do something with us, of course... but more than that, he wants to do something IN US! He will never use us at our own expense. So, could Charlotte and Chris been studying to be more effective in the night session of the women's event. Maybe, but they had roots and split ends. So... a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

In the same way I think that God wants me to depend on him to take care of my needs each time i am imbetween assignments for the kingdom. For instance, during this time of searching, Jason and I aren't REALLY involved in a whole lot of ministry. We have made ourselves available here and there, but are schedules are sure more open than they were at the previous church we attended. I think it is my nature to feel the pressure to fill all the time with things to DO for God. When maybe, he really just wants us to just allow him to pamper us and take care of OUR needs. The difference in allowing a time of being filled up so that we can serve effectively again and being just lazy is this; we want to be full of God so that we can pour it out on the lost and broken people of the kingdom. When we are empty again, we will come back and get filled up again. Just like these two ladies, they aren't going to miss the session to get pampered, they just took 5 to get pampered so they would look and feel their best at the next service.

I like this. It makes me happy.

"I was called to be free" ~ Galatians 5:13

Clarification...

I just want to clarify something so that my heart is heard thru what was a passionate spew on "The Church" in a moment of annoyance.

The thing about blogging that is the most important to me is to watch myself grow, see God work in my life, and record the special moments I share with him thru this journey we call "Life". Most importantly it is to be humble and to stay transparent. And because of the written evidence of the "blog", I have the ability to go back and see when I am wrong, out of line or when i need an attitude adjustment. Staying pure in heart has been the objective all along. This blog is not intended to word vomit my frustration at people, places or things... but rather to uplift, encourage and inspire people. And if that is not the purpose behind it, it is simply just for myself so that I can track my walk with God.

So let me clarify something I said in a previous blog. I referred to a pretty harsh statement said by the Kings when they arrived in Texas. "I hate Church"... this being the statement that was used for shock value to wake us up. This was not their heart, however, if you didn't know them, or you didn't know their amazing heart to see the body of Christ live in GRACE then you might mis-read what they mean. They came with a passion to see church done differently. Not to hate on the church. I used this statement to validate that I have caught the bug. Not to hate, be angry, rebel ect. against the body of Christ. That is NEVER my intention, nor was it theirs. My heart is that we see the body get uncomfortable and share the gospel of Christ the way it was intended to be shared. I LOVE God's people, and God's people are the CHURCH. WE are the Church. So, I LOVE the Church. Let that not be confused with my irritation of being complacent Christians. Which I myself have been for many years. Until the past few years, especially the last year I just simply misunderstood what it is I was supposed to be doing, and how I was supposed to live. I was bound by the law, and I was tied to a list of duties and works that would validate me as a believer.
That is the hovering spirit that I have gone to battle with. The spirit of legalism. Not all of the church carries this spirit, and I shouldn't sum us all into one category. There are people in the body of Christ that get the new covenant we have made with Christ and those are the people I want to join forces with so that we can get up off the pew and get in the kingdom of lost and broken people to share the LOVE of God.

But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? And how can they hear about him unless someone tell them? And how will anyone go and tell them without being sent? That is why the scripture say "how beautiful are the feet of messengers who bring good news" Romans 10:14-15

What my heart has tried to convey and admittedly in a arrogant way, is simply what this verse claims. I want to BE how they hear, and I want to answer the call to be SENT into the kingdom to share the good news. I want to have "beautiful feet". And quite honestly, where my hot head gets involved is my frustration that some believers are really just comfortable where they are and have shown no real follow thru with being the messengers. That doesn't give me the right to judge them. And for doing so I am sorry.

Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. Romans 12:9-11

This verse is the MOTHER verse in our lives. Thanks to the heart of Chris and Amanda, and their desire to impregnate this into our hearts over a year ago... this philosophy, this proclamation, this scripture, has been birthed in us. I know that I have used this verse as ammunition towards the church. Accusing them, if just in my heart of pretending to love people. But what the Lord is showing me is that I am held accountable to REALLY loving the CHURCH... not pretending to love them. My desire is to see the Church overcome the convenience of being a "lazy christian" and to work heard to serve God with enthusiasm. I can not however force feed this to the body of believers. I can only walk it out myself, and hope that those around me will see the freedom that comes when you are living as a servant of Christ.

I hope that this clarifies my heart on this matter. And although I don't apologize for praying the lazy out of us... I do apologize for the judgement placed upon the body of Christ.

"I was called to be free" ~ Galatians 5:13

~"LOVE SHACK BABY LOVE SHACK"~

Last night as I was intercepting a profound encounter with Jesus, I felt like for the first time I was released from the legalism of this fast. I wasn't "called" to the daniel fast. I wasn't told by God to fast for 21 days. Those things are a fact, another fact is that Jason and I are walking thru a season of confusion and uncertainties and I believe in the power of prayer and fasting. I have said all along that I have expectancy, not expectations of what God can reveal to us if we fast. However, as much as I say that, I didn't realize what I was saying until I encountered the grace of God on the matter. No mater what I said, I was still imprisoned by the law of a fast. I started to really search my heart on what fasting meant to Jesus. And in my revelation of this, the theories that I want to take as my own, simply were spun into the same cycle as they usual are. "If i fail i will not be blessed, if i sacrifice for 21 days God will bless us with the answers we are looking for" This goes against everything I have written. The Lord spoke clearly to me last night my own words, "you can NOT earn my blessing by fasting, tithing, praying, following rules ect, you are ALREADY blessed because I sent my son to shed blood upon the cross to cover you for all eternity so you could just BE blessed". WOW! The statement i wrote in my first blog "Don't think of fasting to get something FROM God, but rather to just get more Of God" sums it up beautifully. How did I miss it? Well, simply because I was bound by the law. As I sat there last night for the 1st time, I released God from the expectations of doing FOR me... and just sat in his grace for a while. I heard him say "This fast is partly to show you how to walk out what you say. You say you want to walk in and by my grace, you even write it for the world to see. I know that is what your hearts desire, and thus be the purpose for me asking you to walk in grace tomorrow. Remove the law of your fast. No time limit, No rules, No legalism. Tomorrow, on the sabbath day, I want you to live by grace. And I want you to enjoy life with me, not because of what I can do for you, or what you can do for me. Just because of our love for each other". What a man he is! Today is a day of Grace, and so is every day forever. Today we followed no rules we fasted, but not food. We fasted the law. And tomorrow, when we continue our daniel fast, it will NOT be because of the written law. It will be because the Holy Spirit in us has prompted us to continue searching for more clarity. We will not be bound by the rules, we will be bound in the grace of God.

For the record, the title of this blog is Love Shack baby Love Shack, because prior to writing this blog, I smashes a cheeseburger and onion rings off my face. And I just want to say for the record, Grace taste amazing.

"I was called to be free" ~ Galatians 5:13

"The Naked Gospel"

by: Andrew Farley

Seriously, next to the bible and Redeeming Love, one of the most fantastic books EVER! I am only a third the way thru it, but
I can't get enough! Everyone needs to read this! It is seriously like re-learning EVERYTHING I have ever known to be true. It is so God that this book came into our lives during this time of prayer and fasting. As it helps un-do the damage that the "law" has done to our thinking. And emphasizes the TRUTH of the GRACE we are under on this side of the cross.

The most interesting thing I have read tonight was the purpose of the LAW. It was not created for believers to follow as a way to "live by a moral standard of excellence" but for UNBELIEVERS! It is to shake an unbeliever into recognizing they are living in the dark. (Romans 3:19-20)

In the same breath, when a believer attempts to live by the law, they are for sure headed for failure. The "law" is an all or nothing proposition. "Whoever keeps the whole law, and yet stumbles at just one point, is guilty of breaking it all" ~ James 2:10. We will never be able to keep the whole law. This be the reason for the instatement of the NEW covenant. "Legalism will NEVER produce love". ~Andrew Farley. Paul talks in Romans about his own struggles keeping the law. "I would not have known what sin was had it not been for the law. For I would have not known what coveting really was if the law had not said, "you shall not covet." But sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, produced in me every kind of coveting" Romans 7:7-8. Even a man of Pauls strength was set up for failure by the law. This being proof that there is no man equipped to follow the law. And thus be the promise to be SET FREE from the law and live under the new GRACE covenant with Christ. "If we live under the law, sin will dominate us. If we live free from the law (under grace) sin won't overpower us."~ Andrew Farley. If we use the LAW as a "guide line" to a moral standard of right living, we hush the holy spirit in us. It's like for instance, if you best friends move to Canada and in your sadness you begin to look thru old emails and pictures of your happy times, and to your surprise, they walk thru the door and are standing right in front of you. But, you continue to look at the hard copy version of your relationship with them, rather than making new memories. Why would you put your focus on something that is 2nd hand, when you have the real thing in front of your face?

It says in Romans 6:14 "Sin shall no longer be your master, because you are NOT under the law, but under grace". This is black and white to me. Jesus shed blood to COVER us from sin, to remove us from the LAW and bring us into a close personal relationship with him and the holy spirit. When the curtain tore, this was allowing us the ability to come AS WE ARE into his throne room. To be with him, even in our jeans, with tattoos, piercings, bad breath, sin stained clothes ect. AS WE ARE.

We don't EARN freedom. We can't work for GRACE. We died with Christ at the cross, and on this side of the cross, we are saved by his GRACE. HE PAID THE COST FOR OUR FREEDOM. Thus releasing us from the obligation to pay for it ourselves. Some might think that "Jesus plus perfection" or "Jesus plus being a rule follower" or "Jesus plus doing many works" will earn you a spot in heaven. Or a spot closer to Jesus in heaven. On this matter, I agree with Andrew Farley's statement.

"Jesus plus nothing, 100% Natural, no additives"




"I was called to be free" ~ galatians 5:13

"Lost and Found" by: Jason Krause

I lose things constantly. My keys, my phone, my make-shift wallet. Make-shift because it is 2 debit cards a drivers license and an insurance card loosely tucked in my front pocket. Wallets are stupid because they make you sit funny in your chair. Remember that episode of Seinfeld with George’s huge wallet? That’s what wallets feel like to me.

As you can see, I also lose my train of thought. I would also lose my head if it weren’t screwed on good enough.

When I lose things though, I don’t look for them that hard. Especially my phone, because I’d be more than happy if I never had a cell phone again. Maybe it’s a guy thing, but if I lose my keys I’ll pretty much just stare at where they should be and hope that they materialize right in front of me. Sometimes they do, sometimes I’ll be staring right at them and I’ll be so glazed over that I won’t realize that they are right there.

The reason why I don’t look hard for things because I know whatever is missing will pop up eventually so I don’t worry about it. Also, I kind of hope that somebody else will find whatever I’m looking for so I don’t have to look as hard. This all changed about two weeks ago when I was packing for my trip to Canada with Kinger and Peacer. I knew all along that I was going to have to look for my passport, but I wasn’t worried because it could only be in one of three places. So after looking in my console, my important documents folder, and my nightstand I couldn’t find it. So I tore up the house. I went all through our office closet, which looked like Monica’s secret room on FRIENDS. *I might watch too much TV.* I didn’t find my passport but I was able to tidy up the closet. I looked everywhere in this house. It was 12:30am, we were scheduled to leave at 6:00am and I still had no passport. We got in the car to take Austin home that night, and just for gits and shiggles I thought I would look through the console one last time. Lo and freaking behold, there it was. Stuck to the back of a CD case. I found it. Although I wanted to say screw it, go to bed, and hopefully the passport fairy would dump one under my pillow that night, I knew I had to keep searching. I was relentless in my pursuit because aside from blowing through the border past the patrol station I wasn’t going anywhere.

I had a word spoken over me years ago that said, “don’t be a toad…be a mountain lion. Find what is rightfully yours and take it with pride.” At first I was like…okay, how about you don’t be a freak and tell me something that makes sense. But I knew that there was some sort of meaning behind this strange word that I had received. So on my way home that day I prayed and sought answers; answers that came surprisingly quickly. I started to think about how the two animals ate. Maybe it was because I was hungry. The toad sits quietly on its lily pad awaiting the tasty fly to come just close enough to where he can blast out his tongue and grab it. If I were going to eat flies, I wouldn’t want to work hard for it either. The lion on the other hand chooses its prey. Will it eat a deer, zebra, gazelle, maybe a human, who knows. But it chooses what it wants and then takes it. The lion pounces upon its prey and has a meal that far surpasses a gross fly. Go out and get it. That is what I was supposed to hear. My life has been a repeat story of incidentals and right place at the right time. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think any of it happened by accident, I think I have been in God’s plan all along, but I have never successfully gone out and taken what I know is rightfully mine. I think that time is approaching. I think that in this next chapter, I’m not going to be able to count on things just happening. I think that I’m going to have to take the words and promises that God has given me and run with them. And to be honest that pretty much scares the crap out of me. I’m a fan of safety, security, and habits. New things aren’t that great. At each restaurant that I go to I have one meal that I get. I don’t need a menu because I know what I want when I get there. It’s kind of convenient actually. Why would I bother taking the risk on something that I might not like, when I can have something that I know I love? With that philosophy in mind, you can only imagine how awesome this fast that we are on is for me. Vegetables, fruit and water. You have to be freaking kidding me. First, vegetables suck. Secondly, fruit is fine but it’s an appetizer on the way to something better. And water, does it really have to taste like air? This hasn’t been fun for me. Not only do I hate almost everything that I am eating, I am also picking apart the technicalities of fasting and trying to justify a way out of it. What good is fasting if the time that I’m supposed to be focused on God, I’m griping about what a crappy time I’m having. This isn’t supposed to be fun I guess.

While I can almost certainly say that I’ll still have my usual at any restaurant that I choose to visit, I have to remove that mindset from the other areas in my life. Food is not that big of a deal. I’m not going to change the meals that know I enjoy in order to prove a point. Mainly because that will only piss me off. But I do have to get ready for the new things in life. I have to get ready to not be willing to sit in a pew every Sunday or Saturday night in order to further my relationship with God and fulfill His call on my life. Yes, you read that correctly, I have to be willing to NOT sit in a pew to further my relationship with God. Our weekly feeding times at “church” is not going to save my life. There’s nothing wrong with fellowship, worship and teaching, but if that is the only thing that you are getting in your Christian diet, then you are going to die. You are malnourished. Going to church one day a week isn’t going to share the truth with your employees as work. Going to church isn’t going to magically make your kids grow up right. Going to church isn’t going to free you from sin. Going to church isn’t going to fulfill the command that we were given to love and serve others. Monday-Friday and all of the times that we aren’t worshipping and learning together is church. We have it so backwards. Church is supposed to be mobile. I can’t expect church to take me to the next level. Why? Because I am the church, and so is every one else that believes Jesus is who He says He is. I can’t tune out all week and think that God is going to show up only on Sunday. He’s around pretty much all the time, even when you don’t want Him to be. This next move isn’t going to be comfortable, but I am secure that it will be safe because God is with me.

We caught a vision this past year. We got our house inside the city limits of Ft. Worth, because we knew that is the area in which we have been called to serve. This is a city of hurting people. I’m ready to somehow show them that there is so much more to life than this. I can’t wait to be real with people. I can’t wait for them to see that Christians aren’t better. I can’t wait for them to see the Jesus that walked the earth, not the one that is so falsely represented by us. It’s not sinners that give Jesus a bad name, its Christians. Sinners belong to the world, Christians belong to Jesus, but we don’t act like it. Christians are so much worse than sinners because at least sinners are honest. Christians do they same thing that sinners do only Christians lie about it. It’s time to be different and make a difference.

This was actually supposed to be more than one journal but it just all came out. That’s me losing my train of thought again.

Today, I was sitting on the couch and Alyse asked me if I was just not eating for the fast. I said at the beginning that I didn’t want to just not eat and call that a fast, I wanted to do it right and really seek after the answers that we need. But I haven’t been. I was just not eating. In a minute of frustration I felt like God said “Don’t look for the answers like you look for your keys. Look for them like you looked for your passport.” I have been. I’ve been staring at one or two places in the Bible everyday hoping that revelation and answers would hit me in the face. But they didn’t. It was only until I heard that and begun writing this that I realize that I’m not always going to have all of the answers. Despite all that has happened we still have a vision planted in our hearts. We have a glimpse of the direction that we need to head in. Maybe I need to stop being focused on trying to get all the answers. If I had all of the answers I wouldn’t need faith. Maybe this is God saying, “Do you trust me? Okay, now go out and get it.”

Okay, I got a revelation. Can I eat now?

~Veggies~

I wasn't going to post this one, but i realize that this fast is about break-thru and i had a some last night. It wasn't the kind that is grand and would make a great piece for readers. But, is totally the kind worthy of recording, so that I NEVER forget it.

I was laying in bed last night and I was SO irritated at Jason because he has made this fast pretty miserable for me. (take a look at the way that sounds) I was telling him "you should just stop if you hate it so much, because I could do it a lot easier with having to think about what you can and will eat". He is SO picky and it's not like you have a ton of options any way. In my head at the time, it made sense to tell him he was making it harder for me to fast because of his defense against... well, all food. Especially ones that we can eat that are healthy. I was so irritated that I actually cried. Then as I internalized all of those feeling and began to just not talk anymore, I got really sad. I started thinking about how "un-loved" I feel and how he still never gave me a valentines day present. They I was thinking about my love language, which I have STILL not been able to locate after taking the quiz numerous times and 2 years of thinking about it. I just simply don't know what i need to feel loved. By the time that I was ready to spew my hurt on him,, he was asleep. It's a good thing he was, because I had no other option but to just talk to Jesus.

When I started telling Jesus how I felt I heard him remind me sweetly "Don't you remember, this year isn't about you, it's about him. It's about HIS freedom". It took me back to hear him remind me of something I speak of often. It has been right in front of me but I didn't see it. Last year, God did a huge work in me. He made a promise and he delivered. This year, he promised to do a HUGE work in Jason; That this year was his year to be brought into complete healing and restoration. So, all the time that I spent thinking about how HE was effecting MY fast, what that really breaks down to is ~ i was preferring myself above him.

This year isn't about me. And now I get it... This fast isn't about me. It is the perfect start to a year that will cause me to prefer my husband AND other people in general above myself. This fast is just the beginning of sacrifices that I will make for the freedom of other people. If I really let him give up because it was more convenient for me, than I would be making this statement. "In life, I would like to keep you from experiencing break thru and freedom because it makes my life harder to serve you and not myself". That is absolutely NOT the kind of wife I am called to be. And so far, it is the best break-thru I have had yet on this fast.

So, if he won't eat veggies, I will cut up fruit. If he doesn't want his food to touch, I will separate it. If he doesn't want to try something new, I will eat it. No matter what, I know the lesson here is that I can't give up on my husbands freedom. Even if it takes me making some extra sacrifices along the way.

"I am called to be free" ~ Galatians 5:13

"Meet me at the GATE"

It was cold, dark and really late. I was in hunt TX on the "ranch" with my Fellowship of the Sword sisters on the 2nd event I attended "Radiance". This event was all about ministering TO God. As I sat by a wood burning fire at about 3 am pursing God with a vengeance, I heard him say "meet me at the gate". It was only a few hours before that I had sat in the upper room with a couple of leaders praying out the spirit of fear that has plagued my life for many years. I said "um, no. It's WAY to scary out there... the gate is super far away, your not asking me to do that... this is all in my head". I heard him say again" Grab your sword, and meet me at the Gate". I sat there for a minute contemplating what to do... I spoke quietly to the other ladies that were sitting near "Hey yall, do any of you feel like God is calling you to the front gate?".... in unison it was a "NO, NOPE, it's all you girl". I was like, well crap. I am not going. It is way to dark and scary. A firm voice from one of my sisters arose from the silence, she said "didn't you just ask God to deliver you from fear? Well, he is giving you an opportunity to be brave". She was right, and I hated it. I grabbed my sword (yes, I am armed) and I started the very long walk to the gate. I heard all of the girls behind my snickering and cheering me on quietly from the fire. As I got closer to making the corner around the side of the house and the fire began to dim from the distance, I began to be petrified with fear. I said "Lord, this isn't you, I know this fear isn't from you. Why are you asking me to walk all the way out here?" He said "I have something I need you to do at the gate!" As I neared the gate the fear began to disappear. I felt this gust of wind that I knew was the holy spirit behind me. I heard the Lord say "STOP." I was not quite at the gate, I was about 7 feet away. I asked "Why do you want me to stop here, I still have more to go?" He said "Like Abraham was willing to sacrifice his son Isaac for me, I wanted to test your willingness to sacrifice for me at a moments notice" Then he said "draw your sword". I said back to him "your kidding right?" With a bit of laughter I was obedient and I drew my sword. He said "You are armed and ready for battle, you are a warrior for me and on the front lines of my army, I am your rear guard and I will protect you from the back, but I need you to be strong and courageous. I need you to be willing to serve on the front lines. I am calling you to the gate to fight for your freedom, and the freedom of your family and those I put in your path. Continue to face forward, never turn back, for I will always be behind you, I will always have your back. Focus in on the enemy in front of you like a sniper and use the weapon I have entrusted you with to fight for my people. Do this for my glory." As I stood with my sword raised high and tears rolling rapidly off my face, it all made sense. It's actually ironic, the reason I was awake at that late hour was because I was called to fight spiritual warfare during that time. I guess I would have been pretty worthless at fighting off the enemy's attacks if I bought into his lies that I should be too scared or too weak to encounter his evil spirits. By taking me all the way out to that gate, God showed me that HE has called me to be a gatekeeper. And I can NOT live in fear to hold that title.

I met him at the Gate, I encountered the LOVE of God at the gate. I received a mantle from Father at the gate.

The GATE is VERY important to me. I had to tell you the story about the original encounter I had with Father at the gate because since then, I have had SO much revelation about my position at the gate. I've even had MORE encounters with him at THAT actual gate since that time. I will be sharing these stories because they are some of the most awesome God encounters I have ever had. I actually think the name of my 1st book will be called "Meet me at the Gate".

Be encouraged, if God calls you to a dark scary gate in the middle of the night, just do what he says. I promise he has a purpose that will ROCK your SOCKS off!!!

"I was called to be Free" ~ Galatians 5:13

A Call to DOVE.

I noticed today that It is so easy for me to jump to defend the underdog. I also get passionate about my feelings towards religiosity. And by "passionate" I am pretty sure that can be interpreted as "on a soap box". (Hints the title of this blog) The deal is, I have made myself VERY clear of my feelings towards the "religious spirit" of the Church, Today, the Lord brought it to my attention that my clarity could actually be the downfall of a potential follower. If I can be SO loud, strong, confident and bold towards my annoyance of man made religion, WHY am I NOT using my voice to share the gospel. If I only have one hour with someone, am I really going to spend that time of life and death talking about my "views" on Church... aka ON A SOAP BOX. My soap stunk today, and I am ashamed. Thank God for grace.

I encounter a lot of stinky soap. I really do, and I could tell you for hours how mad it makes me to hear people on a "soap box" about how you should dress up for church or that dancing is of "the devil". But if I am so grossed out at the smells coming from that direction that I get on my own stinky soap box about MY feelings. Then really, I am just judging people for judging people. That isn't what I want to be. I want to live by and IN grace. And I have to remember that some people smell. And it's quite ironic how in the natural, I am called to love on smelly people (meaning: people who aren't your typical "church going" God loving, bible reciting, worship singing, dress up for church kinda folks.) And i am pretty sure I have stated in a previous blog that the supernatural and the natural usually coincide. So maybe I should switch to dove. I hear it's the symbol for peace... and it smells pretty awesome.

"I was called to be free" ~ Galatians 5:13