~Veggies~

I wasn't going to post this one, but i realize that this fast is about break-thru and i had a some last night. It wasn't the kind that is grand and would make a great piece for readers. But, is totally the kind worthy of recording, so that I NEVER forget it.

I was laying in bed last night and I was SO irritated at Jason because he has made this fast pretty miserable for me. (take a look at the way that sounds) I was telling him "you should just stop if you hate it so much, because I could do it a lot easier with having to think about what you can and will eat". He is SO picky and it's not like you have a ton of options any way. In my head at the time, it made sense to tell him he was making it harder for me to fast because of his defense against... well, all food. Especially ones that we can eat that are healthy. I was so irritated that I actually cried. Then as I internalized all of those feeling and began to just not talk anymore, I got really sad. I started thinking about how "un-loved" I feel and how he still never gave me a valentines day present. They I was thinking about my love language, which I have STILL not been able to locate after taking the quiz numerous times and 2 years of thinking about it. I just simply don't know what i need to feel loved. By the time that I was ready to spew my hurt on him,, he was asleep. It's a good thing he was, because I had no other option but to just talk to Jesus.

When I started telling Jesus how I felt I heard him remind me sweetly "Don't you remember, this year isn't about you, it's about him. It's about HIS freedom". It took me back to hear him remind me of something I speak of often. It has been right in front of me but I didn't see it. Last year, God did a huge work in me. He made a promise and he delivered. This year, he promised to do a HUGE work in Jason; That this year was his year to be brought into complete healing and restoration. So, all the time that I spent thinking about how HE was effecting MY fast, what that really breaks down to is ~ i was preferring myself above him.

This year isn't about me. And now I get it... This fast isn't about me. It is the perfect start to a year that will cause me to prefer my husband AND other people in general above myself. This fast is just the beginning of sacrifices that I will make for the freedom of other people. If I really let him give up because it was more convenient for me, than I would be making this statement. "In life, I would like to keep you from experiencing break thru and freedom because it makes my life harder to serve you and not myself". That is absolutely NOT the kind of wife I am called to be. And so far, it is the best break-thru I have had yet on this fast.

So, if he won't eat veggies, I will cut up fruit. If he doesn't want his food to touch, I will separate it. If he doesn't want to try something new, I will eat it. No matter what, I know the lesson here is that I can't give up on my husbands freedom. Even if it takes me making some extra sacrifices along the way.

"I am called to be free" ~ Galatians 5:13